The Dreams of the Boy In the Nighttime
by salacious-smiles
Summary: Bella Swan has had a tragic and abusive childhood; everyone knew it. But not everyone knew of the bronze-haired boy who visited her in her dreams. He was the only one who knew the true Bella. But Edward wasn’t real, was he? 'M' rating explained in ANs.
1. Early Years

**Summary:** _Bella Swan has had a tragic and abusive childhood; everyone knew it. But not everyone knew of the bronze-haired boy who visited her in her dreams. He was the only one who knew the true Bella. But Edward wasn't real, was he?_

_**Disclaimer:** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the authors. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended._

**Beta: Twilightzoner**

* * *

Two newly born babies were lying together in the middle of a great expanse of grass. The feeling of early morning hung in the air; the light was dimmed and a heavy mist had settled over the pasture, the grass coated with a thin sheen of dew collected over the nighttime.

At the bottom of the meadows hill, there was a vast lake. The water was so motionless that it didn't even look like water at all. It looked more like a mirror, reflecting back the blue-gray color of the sky, as well as the trees that surrounded it, slowly closing in on its watery depths. Not even a single ripple betrayed its identity.

The two children made eye contact and held it for a few minutes, or maybe it was hours; it could have been through all eternity. Anyway, it was far longer than what would usually be comfortable in normal adult society, to be sure. But the girl and the boy just continued to gaze into each other's eyes, voicing a million thoughts through their connection, as they were unable to communicate by any other means.

Edward lifted his chubby arm and moved to clasp Bella's hand in his own, curious to feel the new thing in front of him. But, to his displeasure, she withdrew her hand from his, not wishing for the same contact as he did, her brow crumpling in confusion as she did so. She didn't understand Edward's need for touch.

Sensing the rejection, Edward's eyes glazed over, and his trembling lower lip jutted out in a pout.

Bella realized her new friend's sudden saddness and reached out with her hand to touch Edward's arm in reassurance of their new friendship. But, even as she did so, it was too late, and the wailing screams of Edward began to shake though the meadows carefully controlled serenity, its domino effect calling forth Bella's cries. A flock of white geese flew up into the sky in that moment, and the tranquility of new life was disturbed.

####

Bella Swan awoke in a briny puddle of her own tears pulling her mother, Renée, from her yearned for and short-lived sleep. She dragged herself out of her warm and comfortable bed and away from her husband, still encompassed in a deep and uninterrupted sleep, and to the pale pink cot at the foot of her bed.

She sighed and shook her head as she tried to erase the feeling of fatigue from her bleary mind. It hung behind her eyes, so that when she moved her head they blurred and it would take a moment for her eyes to adjust to the movement.

She reached for the bottle of lukewarm milk at her bedstead and proceeded to feed her baby girl, Bella. She smiled as she thought her name. _Bella_. She had already nicknamed her; she'd never really likened to the name Isabella, chosen by her husband, but Bella seemed to fit somehow.

She put the bottle back in its holder and rubbed her eye with the side of her hand, a wide yawn escaping from her mouth. She settled Bella in her crib once more, watching as she fell asleep. This baby was going to be the death of her, she was sure of it.

####

"Where the fuck is she?" The frantic voice of Charlie Swan shouted _at_ rather than _to_ the receptionist behind the front desk at the Arizona State Hospital.

The second hand was speeding passed the digits of the clock, and, as it made its quickened journey, he could feel cooled sweat roll slowly down his face. The woman to whom he was trying to speak to typed leisurely into the computer as if she had all the time in the world, before turning her tired gaze towards him.

"There's no need to swear, Sir. I'm sure I can find whoever you're looking for perfectly well without being sworn at," she finished bitterly.

So she was a smartass was she?

"Don't you fucking tell me what to do!" Charlie yelled at the woman, causing several heads to turn their way.

"Who are you looking for?" she asked in a bored tone, eyes flitting toward the illuminated screen.

"Swan," he replied shortly. He was getting impatient with this woman. "Isabella Swan." He accentuated each syllable of her name.

A small smile appeared on the receptionist's face as she turned back around to the computer. Charlie was starting to think that she held an unhealthy attachment to that electronic device. She propped her left elbow against the desktop and leant her head atop, so her face was only a few inches from the screen, as she slowly typed in the letters to Bella's name with one long acrylic nail.

"Ah yes, we have an Isabella Swan." _Finally,_ Charlie thought; his anxiety was reaching boiling point. "Are you family?" she asked timidly, finally catching on to the murderous expression in Charlie's eyes. By the terrified look on her face it would seem that she would not deny him entrance even if he said "no".

"Yes. Yes, I am family," he said, trying to calm his erratic breathing by venting his frustration into his fingers, which were tapping against the desk irritably. "I'm her father."

"Ward 8B." She nervously raised her arm to point toward the elevator across the room.

Charlie didn't pause to thank the woman. He immediately turned and walked with determination, worry and fear fueling him, though he hadn't slept in thirty-two hours.

There were only two things on his mind at that moment; the safety of his daughter, and the safety of his ex-wife – the ex-wife he'd never truly stopped loving. He climbed into the elevator and pressed the button for the eighth floor.

"Wait up!" A voice called out, and he heard footsteps running toward the elevator. He begrudgingly put his hand out to stop the doors. A large girl with almost white blond hair who looked about seven years old ran into the small room.

"Thank you. My name's Rose," she said, out of breath, smiling up at Charlie. He gestured with his hand to the buttons next to him.

"6A," she said, and Charlie pressed the button accordingly. His temper was rising faster and faster, and he almost wanted to kill the girl for delaying him. When he finally arrived on the eighth floor, he followed the arrow down the hallway to the right that lead to Ward B.

Reaching his destination, Charlie was led to a room off the side of the main ward. Through the small glass window, he could see the body of a small girl, a body which he automatically recognized as his daughter, though he hadn't seen her in four long years.

She'd grown so much.

Many plastic tubes were attached around her mouth and to her skin, and there were casts covering nearly all of her.

"Where's Renée?" he asked the nurse standing by his side. His eyes didn't stray from his daughter as he asked.

"Renée Dwyer didn't survive the crash. I'm sorry, Sir."

At those words, it seemed as if the blackness that had been surrounding him ever since their divorce consumed him wholly. She had never been gone before. Not really. She would have come back.

She would have come back.

####

"It's going to be okay, Bella," Edward said, smiling reassuringly at her from where he was sitting, his legs crossed under him. She was lying beside him amongst the green grass of the meadow.

Bella could see the worry in Edward's eyes, but she pretended not to notice. Instead, she clasped his hand in hers, which, strangely, wasn't covered in a cast as she remembered. As her eyes skimmed along her body, she realized none of her was covered in cast, and the tubes that had been attached to her skin had disappeared.

People could say she was delusional as much as they wanted, but these special moments with Edward in her dreams were pure bliss compared to the other world.

"How do you know that, Edward?" she asked, worriedly biting her lip to stop herself from bursting into tears.

Edward shifted so that he was on his side and facing her, brow crumpled and head propped up on his bent arm.

"Because I know you, and I know you're going to get better for me, kay?"

"Kay," she responded dreamily. The morphine had made her drowsy – even in this place – and she could feel her eyelids trying to close and her mouth stretch out in a wide yawn.

"Sleep, Bella." His words ran circles around her head as she drifted into the space between her dreams with Edward and painful reality.

####

When she opened her eyes again, it was to a bright white light. Bella quickly realized that she was once again lying in a white hospital bed instead of the magical green meadow she loved.

"Oh, Bella, you're awake!" a voice which seemed vaguely familiar shouted out from beside her. Charlie had large black bags underneath his eyes, and stubble had grown around his jaw from going several days without shaving.

"Dad?" she asked groggily, not entirely sure if he was her father.

"Yes, it's me. It's going to be okay, Bella," he said. She couldn't help but think of a much different voice saying the same words only moments ago. The words pulled her back into unconsciousness, and hopefully closer to the voice she yearned to hear.

####

Even though she was only seven years old, Bella Swan could see changes in her father from the memories she had of him from when she was younger. She had only been three years the last time she'd seen him in person, but she could always remember the sound of rough laughter and the smell of hops that hung on his clothes.

In her new home in Forks, when he wasn't at work, he was moping around the house, a bottle of whiskey either grabbed roughly in his hands or held protectively to his side. Either way, he was never in his right mind. For six months, no housework was even breached in their home.

The laundry was left in large piles on the landing, and the dishes were piled up in the sink so high that she couldn't even reach the top dish when she stood on tippy-toes. The refrigerator was becoming more and more barren and Bella craved for some of the Dino Nuggets that her mom always used to give to her.

Nobody drove her to school, and she had to walk the two miles by herself, usually in the rain. She didn't tell anyone. If a teacher asked, then she'd simply say that she tripped in a puddle on the way to school. The teachers knew how clumsy she was from the many incidents around the classroom and thought nothing of it.

But, six months later, Bella decided that something had to change, and, seeing as it evidently wasn't going to be her father, she knew it would have to be her. From then on, the laundry got washed, the dishes got cleaned, and she was able to find an alarm clock in a dusty drawer, so she could get up in enough time to run for the school bus, instead of missing it every day and having to walk. She even ordered the groceries online with Charlie's credit card, so that she didn't have to submit to the questions asked by the Wal-Mart staff.

Day after day the bags underneath her eyes got heavier and heavier, but she told herself it was worth it as long as her father was not _quite _so violent toward her, and his drunken rages were now usually kept to one part of the house.

It had taken her a while, but as her New Girl status faded away, she found a friend in Alice Cullen. Alice had short black-brown hair, styled naturally into short, gentle flicks around her face.

It was two years later, that things really changed.

For the last one and a half years, the play dates had all been at Alice's house. Bella liked Alice's house. Her mom was constantly baking and the scent always hung around the house. When they arrived home on the bus after school, there was always something tasty on the kitchen counter to eat while they did their homework. Esme didn't even ask why Charlie never came to collect his daughter, either, she just drove Bella home every day with no questions on the subject.

"Bella?" The two girls were lying on Alice's bed; Bella was finding patterns in the ceiling with her eyes and Alice, until a second ago, had been singing along to her new Hannah Montana CD that her dad had sent her in the post for her birthday. Bella never got birthday presents from her father, but she didn't say anything about it.

"Yeah, Alice?" she asked. Her eyes continued to trace patterns in the ceiling, only half listening to Alice, so she didn't hear the hurt undertone in Alice's voice, hidden beneath the layer of confusion.

"Why do we never go to your house?"

"Uh... I don't know. Do you want to come to my house?" Bella said hoping that Alice would say "no".

"Sure, I'd love to come to your house!" Bella's mind froze as soon as the words escaped her mouth. Alice clapped her hands together.

_There's no way this can possibly work…_

####

"What am I going to do?" Bella asked Edward that night as she lay in her bed dreaming.

"I don't know, Bella. I really don't know," he said. He looked as worried as Bella felt, and his face was downcast as he gazed at his crossed legs.

"It's going to be okay, Bella," he said, even if he didn't believe it himself.

"You say that a lot."

"Maybe I say it because you need to hear it, Bella." His tone was not abrasive but comforting, and she could feel herself falling backward into unconsciousness once more.

####

"Dad, I'm home!" Bella called out as she opened the front door with the key under the eave, her voice only slightly hushed, Alice just a step behind her. She heard an answering grunt from roughly where his room was, and made a mental note to go up the stairs at the side of the house that lead straight to her bedroom, instead of walking past her father if they decided to go up there.

Bella put her bag down in the hall and walked into the kitchen, expecting Alice to follow suit. When she did, Bella pulled out a carton of milk from the fridge and two glasses from the overhead cabinet, proceeding to pour the milk.

"What do you want to eat?" she asked Alice as she reached down for her glass and turned to look at her. Alice picked up hers and took a small sip from it before answering.

"Err.... do you have any cookies?"

"Sure thing," Bella replied, and reached for the cupboard that held all the tasty snacks that she'd bought especially for her and Alice. Usually, they only had necessities.

She pulled down the chocolate chip cookies and carefully ripped open the new packet. She picked out two cookies and gave one to Alice, saving the other for herself. She lay down her cookie and drink on the table, and then went to get both their bags from the hallway.

She pulled out the books that she was going to need as Alice did the same.

"So... math?" Alice asked. It was the worst subject for both of them, though Alice was still much better than Bella, and they always tried to get it out of the way as soon as possible.

Their homework that night had taken them longer than expected, and Bella's eyes kept returning to the clock every few minutes after six o'clock, knowing that she should've started to make her father's dinner by then. At six-thirty there was a knock on the door followed by another grunt from upstairs.

"Coming!" Bella called toward the door, as she finished writing the last sentence on her English homework and ran to the door.

In the doorway stood Esme, presumably to come and take Alice home.

"Hi, Esme," Bella greeted her with a beaming smile.

"Hi, Bella. Would it be possible for me to see your father? I'd like to thank him for taking care of the both of you for me." Bella felt a sudden surge of belonging that she hadn't really felt before then at the word 'both.'

"He's not home," Bella replied a little too hurriedly, cursing herself internally for it as soon as the words escaped her lips.

"Yes he is, Bella. He's upstairs, remember?" Alice said obliviously from beside her, her eyebrows creasing together in confusion.

"Oh, yeah. I must've... forgotten."

Esme walked past Bella and into the hallway, looking in the adjacent rooms for Bella's father.

"Dad," Bella called up the stairs. There was another grunt in response. "Ms. Cullen wants to see you!"

She didn't have any idea what was going to happen now, and her fists were clenched in nervousness as she heard the booming steps of her father begin to descend the stairs. The sound was ominous like the beats of a drum that you hear in films set in the medieval ages, as a person walks to their hanging. As expected, the whiskey bottle was in his hand, and his hair and beard were both knotted.

"What do you want?" Charlie slurred, looking drunkenly at Esme.

"Err..." Esme paused, her eyes flashing to Bella's. "I was just wondering if Bella would like to spend the night with Alice tonight." Esme looked at Bella with worry in her eyes, silently asking her to play along.

"Right," Bella added.

"Who's Alice?"

"Alice is my best friend. Remember, I was telling you about her? We go to school together..." she led off, subtly inching herself closer toward the door before her dad's patience broke and he lashed out.

"So, I'll just be going now, Dad, okay?" Bella grabbed her coat from the floor before continuing to walk slowly backward out of her house, as if he was a predator.

"Who's going to cook my fucking dinner?" he yelled out the house, after both Esme and Alice had exited quickly behind her.

Esme and Bella were silent on the way back to the Cullens' house, but Alice was oblivious to the tension and she continued to yap on about the "surprise sleepover" as she put it.

"You head in, Alice. I just want to ask Bella something," Esme said to Alice once they'd arrived.

"Kay," Alice said, and she climbed out before slamming shut the car door. Bella didn't know what Esme was going to ask, but felt nervous about it anyways.

"Bella, was your father serious about cooking dinner for him?" Esme asked, looking intently into Bella's eyes. Knowing she couldn't lie to Esme when she looked at her like that, Bella shook her head "yes".

Esme bit down on her lip, lost in thought. "Okay, Bella, you can go now." Bella rushed in after her friend.

* * *

**A/N: I hope that you liked the first chapter, because I really enjoyed writing it. It's nice sometimes to just skim through the years, only pointing out fundamental moments in the character's lives. I'd really like to know if you liked it, and what you think's going to happen from here, so please review. Gah, I hate asking for reviews. It always feels a little like begging to me, but ah well. It's the first chapter. I can get away with that shit :)**


	2. Moving Onward

**Summary:** _Isabella Swan's life has been nothing but tragic with her mother dying in a car crash that had nearly killed her when she was only a child and an alcoholic father who abused her. The only thing that kept her going was the bronze haired boy who visited her in her dreams every night, he was the only one who knew her problems. But Edward wasn't real, was he?_

**Disclaimer:**_ All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the authors. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended._

**Beta: Twilightzoner**

**CHAPTER CONTAINS DRUG ABUSE**

Two weeks later and Bella had not once stepped foot in her home. Instead, Esme had gone to Bella's house when Bella's father had been at work to collect clothes and other necessities using the key placed – as Bella had said – on the eve.

Gradually, over the next eighteen months, more and more of Bella's belongings had begun to appear around the Cullen household, to the displeasure of Alice's brother, Emmett.

He felt as if his home had been invaded by aliens "of the female kind," as he had put it. Esme had to bribe him with her infamous chocolate crispy cakes to make him pull down the obscene posters he had hung around his room - topless women posing seductively with various male models on motorcycles.

She didn't want to imagine what would have happened if her daughter or Bella had happened to stumble into the room, and she was surprised that neither of them hadn't already. She herself had had a fit the first time she'd seen them. _Perhaps they have seen them and they're just too scarred to mention it,_ Esme thought to herself, quickly shuddering and then disposing of the thought.

Other than the over-nights and mornings before school, it hadn't been much different than usual, as Bella had spent so much time at the Cullens' over the last eighteen months that it almost felt as if Bella lived there anyways.

Of course, there was more food to be cooked, more housework to be done and she had to plait two sets of pigtails in the mornings instead of just one, but Esme had no hesitation in thinking that it was for the best. Esme would've hated for Bella to have to go into care or worse, for something bad to happen at her home.

Bella seemed contented with her situation and the bruises under her eyes, that Esme had grown so used to seeing that she'd assumed they were just a permanent part of her complexion rather than an indication of fatigue, had begun to fade. Bella's hair held more shine than it ever had before, falling in ringlets down her back instead of in knotted waves.

She even wore more smiles around the house, and Esme was sad that she hadn't seen them as often as she would've liked before. It was a truly beautiful smile, so similar to what Esme could remember of Renee's.

Bella's persistence in helping around the house had begun as sweet and caring, but as she constantly asked to wash the dishes or strip the beds Esme had grown worried. _What had that man truly done to her? Nine year olds were meant to be outside playing, not doing housework._

She couldn't help but compare Bella's willingness to help to Alice's, who was always bouncing around in a pair of Esme's designer heels (Esme had enforced many a time that Alice would not be able to have her own heels until she was at least thirteen, though that didn't stop her from wearing Esme's) as she whined money out of Esme's purse.

Esme didn't think that her daughter was spoilt. No, though it might have looked like that from the outside, it was more that Alice appreciated the finer things in life rather than dwelling on the bad ones, and Esme saw no harm in feeding that desire. Alice could be very genuine, and that was confirmed by her optimistic behavior around Bella when she seemed disheartened.

Bella must think that she was abandoning her father. How would she know what filth he really was? It wasn't as if she had any other father figure with whom to compare him.

But, Alice took her friend's situation in her dance-like stride, not pitying her or judging Bella in any way for it. When Bella did seem saddened, Alice was always positive, suggesting things to do to distract her, and in no time a beautiful smile was upon Bella's face.

Esme admired her daughter's care-free attitude, and she wished that she would've been able to be that… mature… at her daughter's age. Alice was the greatest friend Bella could have ever expected, since there was only so much Esme could do herself in these times. But Esme swore that whatever it was that Bella needed, she would do it. And Bella needed whatever she could get.

####

"What do you think is going to happen?" Bella asked Edward that night, as she sat on the lake's bank, dipping her toes into the cool and refreshing waters. It was summertime, and the heat was warming, but not uncomfortably so. Flowers were blooming in the pastures and she could hear the soft sound of crickets in the air.

Edward was sat beside her with his legs crossed Indian-style. He had a strange aversion to the waters that Bella did not quite understand. When she'd asked him about it, all she'd gotten as a response were mumblings made under Edward's breath of water demons and the Loch Ness monster. Bella couldn't help but smile at the memory.

"What do you mean?" he said, fiddling with a few of the strands of grass by his side. His head was bent over as he spoke so that his hair, which had grown quite long in recent months, had flopped in front of his face, obscuring his emerald eyes from Bella's view.

"Well, I can't stay with Alice and Esme forever, can I?"

"You won't have to. I'm sure you'll move out after graduation, and even then you'll probably be going to college with Alice anyways."

"Edward, that's not what I meant. Graduation is years away! I haven't even graduated elementary school yet! I can't intrude on their hospi-"

At that moment, Edward lifted his gaze from the grassy ground, shifting his hair as he did so. From the frantic expression on her face, he could tell that she had now gone into full discussion mode. From what he knew of Bella – which was more than he knew of any other person – he knew that she could go on for hours like this without even stopping for breath. He swiftly lifted his hand, the one which was not fondling the grass, and shoved it against Bella's mouth, her head jerking back slightly as he did so.

"I know what you meant, Bella and… OW!" He pulled his hand back, reflexively shaking it in front of him.

"Isabella Marie Swan, did you just _bite_ me?" he asked incredulously. Bella just stared blankly back at his skeptical expression, and lifted her hand in a circular motion in front of her, indicating for Edward to continue with whatever he was saying.

Edward sighed over-dramatically and continued, "As I was _saying_ before I was ever so rudely interrupted." He narrowed his eyes at Bella's brown innocent ones. _Innocent my ass. _"I know what you meant, and by what you've told me of Esme, and how kind she's been over the last year and a half, I wouldn't be surprised if she was overjoyed to have you."

"Hmmm… I'm not sure…" she said, leaning against his shoulder and moving her feet so that the water swam around and in between her toes. She was still unsure whether she could, or should, stretch Esme's hospitality that far; she was already a single mother of two.

"Just think of it this way, Bella. It's either living with the best friend who has been like your sister and with Esme, who already – I think – seems to think of you as her own daughter, or to endure the next nine years until you move out with that pig you call your father," he ended aggressively, with evident venom deep in his tone.

"Hmmm… I guess… You're… right…" she yawned. She wasn't really listening to what he was saying or she would've been her normal stubborn self and retaliated for his comment about her father, but she could feel her eyelids beginning to close shut and fatigue begin to coat her bleary vision.

####

"It's going to be okay, Bella – sleep," he whispered into her ear, making her breathing automatically level out as she grew unresponsive in his arms.

_Where is that fucking daughter of mine?_ Charlie Swan asked himself.

He was sitting on the unkempt double bed, the same one that he had shared with his Renee. He hadn't changed anything in this goddamned house; he'd imagined many a time the joy that would appear on Renee's face when she'd come home to the house the same as she'd left it. They'd have been able to restart their life together perfectly.

_She would've come back,_ he thought for the one millionth time. It seemed to be the only straight thought his drunken mind could fully comprehend these days. He swung back his bottle and felt the acid burn a trail down his throat.

_Fucking delicious._

He slowly transferred his weight to his feet, making sure he didn't fall. His head spun, but he quickly grabbed a hold of the bedstead before he could fall to the floor.

He swaggered to the doorway and continued on to the landing. _This place really is a shit-hole,_ he thought to himself as he stepped over various objects splayed around that he didn't take time to recognize.

_Where is that fucking daughter of mine?_ he asked again.

He walked into the bathroom. Used towels were strewn all across the floor tiles, and he stepped past them as he continued to walk forward to the cabinet to which he was headed. He opened the door. "Paracetemol, Tylenol, Ibuprofen…" he murmured aloud to himself. He pushed through all the useless shit he had clustered at the front of the cabinet. He was looking for the good stuff.

_Aha!_ He had found it. In between his index finger and his thumb he held the second thing he longed for the most (his first being Bella). The front of the package had some capitalized words written across it in black permanent marker.

_CONFISCATED_

_PROPERTY OF THE POLICE_

There was bound to be _some_ perk of being the Police Chief of this godforsaken town. _Those kids may all be crack-heads, but they sure as fuck know their shit._

Charlie dug around in his pajama bottoms pocket and pulled out his credit card. Since it had been canceled, that sheet of plastic had only served one purpose. He shook the packet out until his average dose was laid out on the card. He looked back to the packet - there was only enough left for another half dose.

He contemplated in his head whether it would be too much, but the coke-addicted monster in the back of his head, yearning for the stuff, won over. _Might as well,_ he thought as he tipped the remainder of the packet onto the card. He tossed the sachet to the side and turned to face the card, a tight smile on his face.

He leant forward and rested his nose on the edge of the card. He tapped the other end of the plastic, and with each tap, the substance shifted closer and closer. He inhaled strongly through his nose, like a vacuum, and the powder was gone.

He felt the familiar light-headedness, as if he was going to faint, but as he expected, the sensation left as soon as it had come. Instead, it was replaced by the shifting in his vision as everything in the room rose in contrast.

He could feel the large grin spread across his lips as the adrenaline coursed through his body until his elation felt fit to burst. He was higher than the earth and higher than the clouds. He was truly on top of the world.

He was getting higher and higher, and he experienced the sensation in the pit of his stomach that you get when you're falling from a great height.

He felt his eyes widen as they tried to focus on the room in front of him. The room felt as if it was getting smaller and smaller, as if he was moving further and further away from the scene before him, being replaced by an empty blackness – all consuming. His breathing quickened into frantic breaths, and his heart raced erratically against his chest until it felt as if it was going to burst.

The falling sensation only stopped when he himself fell from where he had been sitting on the edge of the bathtub.

Convulsions pulsed through him, and he could hear the banging sounds as his limbs repeatedly made contact with the tiled floor.

_She would've come back,_ he thought as he rode out one of his final convulsions.

_Where's my fucking daughter?_ he asked himself once more. The thought was more pleading now, as if he were wishing for her presence, than hostile as it had been earlier. That question echoed through his head over and over as he grew still and his eyes glazed over as they looked into the barren world of the afterlife.

**A/N:** I'd like to thank everybody for all the positive feedback in reviews. I hope you didn't find the ending of this too disturbing and will still going to read more chapters when they come.

I hoped that you would be able to see a little further into Charlie's character in that, and not as the bastard that we all guessed him as in the last chapter. I mean as the man underneath, the man who's lost the love of his life and has resorted to drinking and drugs to try to forget the pain that he's feeling. Yes, he goes about it in the wrong way, but I quite like Charlie in this.

*waits for hate mail*

Also, the meadow exists *audible gasp*. Yes, it does. So when the weather clears up a little, because it's been real snowly recently, I'm going to go take pictures and put a link on here :D

The background I used for my banner on Twilighted (link to my profile on my.... ur... profile) is from there, except I had to use SO much Photopshop to get rid of the snow. Just, go look at the picture. And now imagine 3/4 of it covered in snow. Yes. HARD.

again, thank you for your reviews and for the people who guessed about what they think is going to happen, I really enjoyed reading those. So, for people who didn't already do that, What do you think is going to happen?

x

Char/EmmettGirl


	3. It's Downhill From Here

**Summary:** _Bella Swan has had a tragic and abusive childhood; everyone knew it. But not everyone knew of the bronze-haired boy who visited her in her dreams. He was the only one who knew the true Bella. But Edward wasn't real, was he?_

**Disclaimer: **_All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the authors. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended._

**Beta: Twilightzoner**

* * *

"Make a wish!" Esme voiced enthusiastically from Bella's side, gripping tightly onto a camera as she spoke. Bella blew out her candles with a large grin sitting upon her face. There was a bright flash from the camera and a chorus of "hoorahs" as the small crowd of three finished singing "Happy Birthday."

"What did you wish for?" Alice asked excitedly, eyeing the blue icing of the cake, no doubt filled with the pure essence of hyperactivity.

"Now that would be telling," Esme said before Bella could tell her. "If you say, it won't come true." she cautioned.

Bella sucked in her lips and shook her head 'no,' a small smile hidden on her mouth so that the only way you could tell she was smiling was the appearance of dimples on her cheeks.

Alice pouted, but quickly recovered, a grin already spreading across her face. "I know," she said eagerly, "let's play hide go seek!"

Hide go seek was Alice's all-time favorite game, and she always won. Bella didn't refuse the offer though, as she'd learned over their past two years of friendship that it was just easier to go along with whatever Alice wanted. Instead, she sighed and pulling her hands up covering her eyes, she turned around and leaned into the tree behind her.

"1…2…3…4…5…" When she had gotten to five she peeked in between her fingers, and when she saw that nobody was still standing watching her, she rushed the remaining numbers up to ten.

"Ready or not, here I come!" She called out loudly as she pulled her hands from her face and blinked largely at the unexpectedly bright light. Bella could almost sense the feeling of victory already in the air, but sadly not where it was emerging from.

"Okay, I give up!" Bella yelled after running about and looking in every single place she could think of in the big field. Alice must have been cheating somehow, but she didn't understand how she could do so.

As soon as the words had left her mouth, the small pixie-like girl sprung delicately out from behind a boulder Bella had sworn she'd looked behind on her search.

"I won!" Alice said, clapping her hands together in front of her and jumping ecstatically in the air. The girl was easily pleased. "Again!" she added as she ran up right in front of Bella's face.

"Nobody likes a sore winner, Alice." Esme spoke from the backdoor, where she had just appeared. Her arms were crossed over her chest as she looked sternly at her daughter, though Bella could tell that there was some humor hidden behind Esme's frosty demeanor.

Alice opened her mouth to begin a retort, probably about how she imagined Nobody to be a great guy, but at that moment the sound of a ringing phone could be heard, and Esme disappeared back inside the house.

"How do you always win?" Bella inquired, her lip sticking out in a pout. "I swear I checked there." She pointed in the direction of Alice's hiding place.

"You may well have done, young Bella, but a magician never reveals his secrets. Besides, I know these things, remember." Alice tapped her temple with her fore-finger. Both her tone and the expression displayed in her eyes were filled with mysterious implications.

Bella was about to inquire further – it wasn't the first time Alice had said that she 'knew things,' but a voice interrupted hers as she began to speak her thoughts.

"Bella, dear?" Esme called cautiously, walking toward her across the grass. When she was close enough, Esme grabbed a hold of Bella's hand from where it hung limply at her side and looked with dejection, but determination, into her eyes.

"Bella, that was the hospital on the phone right then…"

"Yes?" Bella asked when Esme did not continue.

"It's your father," Esme rushed out.

"And?" she asked as the feeling of unease began to set through her.

"He's had an accident."

Bella couldn't, at first, take in Esme's words. She just stood frozen as the clouds moved in front of the rare September sunlight, shadowing the world in gloomy darkness.

"He… he's dead?" she asked disbelievingly, staring worriedly into Esme's eyes.

"Yes." she replied shortly, not wanting to make it any worse for Bella by drawing it out and rambling on. Bella didn't say anything, she didn't even cry as both Esme and Alice both expected her to. She just stood completely still, the world growing darker and darker around her as she did so.

"Bella?" Alice's voice spoke nervously from her side, shaking her shoulder softly.

"Bella?" she called again, shaking her shoulder a little harder. Bella felt herself tipping backward as the darkness became more and more prominent and finally, all-consuming in her vision.

"Bella!" The cry was frantic instead of pleading, though it wasn't one which belonged to the two women surrounding her, or even the booming voice of Alice's older brother who had joined them. No, it was the voice that she always longed to hear and that she longed for even more than usual at that moment. Edward's voice was the last she heard before she succumbed into the blackness.

###

Bella sobbed deeply into Edward's chest for the several minutes she was unconscious. His shirt just absorbed her tears as he held her to him, whispering words of reassurance into her ear. They were sat underneath their favorite tree in the whole meadow, and Bella was atop his lap.

The tree was an old oak, and its breadth was so wide that Bella and Edward couldn't reach around it even when they held each other's hands. It seemed to reach right up into the sky, higher and higher it went. Bella had fantasized many times when she was even younger than she was now about climbing up into the tallest branches of the tree and stepping onto the fluffy white clouds. When she had suggested her plan to Edward, he had told her she was silly and laughed jokingly. Bella's lower lip had stuck out and it had taken Edward wrapping his arms around her to stop her from falling into tears.

Rain thundered down outside of the tree, but Bella and Edward hardly noticed. It was like they were in their own bubble, and nothing outside of it could even begin to affect them.

Bella's sobs began to calm, and Edward ran his hand up and down her back.

"Shhh, it's going to be okay, Bella," Edward whispered.

"He… he was my. father," she spluttered out, and Edward continued to rub his hand along her back.

"Shhh…" he said again. Bella's sobs slowly began to subside. She was calmed by the pitter-pattering of the rain as it bounced off the green leaves and fell to the ground. But, she was even more calmed by the soft breaths that blew into her hair and by the shifting of Edward's chest underneath her, moving with every breath he took.

"Shhh…" he whispered once more, before her body relaxed and she fell into unconsciousness in his arms.

Edward stayed awake for several minutes longer, watching Bella's face. She was so peaceful when she slept. He listened to the rain that fell from the heavens, but mostly he thought about Charlie Swan and the sensation of anger filled his body. Bella didn't deserve this pain. He shifted his jaw in fury. As his hostility lessened, he looked back to Bella, and felt the uncomfortable but necessary sensation as the pain she could no longer feel transferred to him as she slept in this magical meadow.

His heart spiked and tears prickled his eyes, but he blinked them away quickly before they could cascade down his face.

_It's worth it,_ he thought as his eyelids began to shut and he, too, fell into a deep slumber.

###

Alice and Bella walked slowly but surely down the staircase. Bella's hand was grasped tightly in Alice's reassuring one. The two girls were dressed in similar attire. Bella was wearing a plain black dress with a hem of black lace that made her want to scratch her knees. She had a piece of black netting fastened to the bun at the back of her head that fell down over her face. It obscured her glazed eyes from view and hid where the tears left an unperturbed, glistened trail down her rosy cheeks.

"Come on, girls." Esme was standing beside the open door, and she nodded her head in the direction of where the rain was pouring down from the skies. Bella sniffed and allowed Alice to lead her to the door. Esme picked up a black umbrella from where it was leaning against the wall and proceeded to open it over herself and the two girls as they stepped outside into the rain.

The drive to the funeral was led in silence. The only sound that could be heard was the growling of the engine beneath them. Throughout the whole journey Esme shot worried glances at Bella's reflection in the rearview mirror, but Bella didn't notice.

Bella's head was hung, and she was staring blankly at her patent leather shoes. Alice could sense her friend's pain, but she didn't mention anything. She'd grown to discern that Bella was more one to suffer in silence than to voice her problems. Alice was quite the opposite, and it was a strain for her to allow the quiet to envelop the vehicle.

Esme was once again proud of her daughter. She could see this inner battle raging behind the young girl's eyes, and her suspicions were only confirmed by Alice's agitation as she fumbled with her fingers while sitting in the back seat. But, she had yet to break the silence.

The car pulled up into a church parking lot which was almost completely empty. The weather hadn't changed much in the ten mile distance between the two venues, but there seemed to be a dark cluster of clouds centered over the building.

There were several dozen age old grave stones embedded in the small plane of grass in front of the church. The gray colorings of the stone seemed to merge with the murky green grass, making it appear as if they just blended into each other.

The click-clacking of Esme's heels hitting the concrete path followed the girls into the church, the sound echoing around the site ominously. The pews were made of chestnut, dimmed with age, and there was a thin sheen of dust layered over the seats. The floor tiles were colored in a maroon, darkened from overuse that made them look dirty no matter how clean they were in reality.

There weren't very many people inside the church, just people Bella barely recognized as colleagues of her father, but she slid into the pew furthest from the front of the church nonetheless, Alice and her mother sliding in beside her. The music emitting from the organ behind them was despondent, with several buoyant chords that would have made the music jovial in any other circumstance, but that in this one only furthered the melancholy.

A portly gentleman stepped onto the lectern at the front at that moment. He was dressed nearly fully in black, but wore a white collar at his neck, so Bella assumed he was the minister. He cleared his throat in a way which was clearly unnecessary, but served to emphasize his superiority.

"We are gathered here today to commemorate the sad and unfortunate death of one Charles Swan…" he boomed through the microphone. Bella tuned out his voice and returned her eyes to her shoes.

Alice looked helplessly at her friend and bit down hard on her lip. She felt a hand on her shoulder and turned toward her mother's maternal gaze. Esme communicated something silently in that one glance, and Alice nodded, turning back to her friend. She squeezed Bella's hand and gathered her into her arms, something which was hard to do if you took into consideration how much bigger Bella was than Alice.

Bella hardly noticed the embrace. Instead, she was reliving the vivid memory of a different pair of arms enveloping her, the calming voice of another uttering words of comfort into her ear. The tears that leaked from her eyes now and that began to soak into Alice's dress were the same tears that had soaked into Edward's shirt.

She wanted Edward. She needed Edward.

It wasn't long before Bella was walking out of the back doors to the church, Alice still grasping her hand securely, behind a large black coffin held by the four men Bella had spotted earlier.

They stood beside the large rectangular hole as the coffin was lowered slowly into the earth. The pastor was still droning on about something or other, but Bella could no longer hear him. His voice was just a monotone murmur in the back of her head.

Her eyes were centered wholly on the black box, though she wasn't thinking of anything, couldn't think of anything, except for the words that had plagued her mind and echoed constantly through her head since she'd heard the news.

_He was my father._

The vicar's voice finally ceased, only for another voice to begin where he'd left off. The new man spoke only a few words and so did the man after him and the one after him. There was a silent pause before Bella heard Alice's voice whisper in her ear, "Bella, you have to say something."

Bella hadn't realized that she'd spoken, but she heard her croaky disused voice utter those four words. "He was my father," she said.

There was another pause as everybody waited for Bella to elaborate, but when it was apparent that she wasn't going to continue, the minister began to speak again of spiritual signs and meanings before he dismissed the group and the first shovelful of soil was emptied onto the box.

Esme's eyes were still trained on Bella, worry etched into her forehead. Bella still hadn't recognized the dismissal, and was continuing to stare at the coffin as more and more dirt was emptied onto it.

"Excuse me, Ms. Cullen?" a nasally voice asked from beside her. Esme turned to see a business-like woman that she hadn't noticed at the ceremony until now. The woman held her hand out in front of her, a fake smile plastered on her friend.

"Hello, I'm Mrs. Stanley, and I work for the Child Protection Society. I was wondering when it would be a good time to talk about where Bella's future will go from here?"

"Excuse me?" Esme choked out. She was confused. Bella had nowhere else to go. She wouldn't be going with them, would she?

The woman lowered her hand when it became clear that Esme wasn't going to shake it. "Well it's terribly nice of you to have taken care of her over the last couple of days, but it isn't right for her to stay with you for any longer time."

"What do you mean?" Esme felt her chest tighten at the thought of the girl, who might as well have been her daughter, being taken away from here.

"Well, I'm terribly sorry," she said, not seeming sorry at all, "but, you're not family, and it isn't ri-" She was cut off by Esme's voice which was becoming more and more persistent and even slightly aggressive.

"I'm as good as!" she inserted.

"I'm sorry, this is not open for discussion;, it's the law. Here's my card." She placed the small offending white card into Esme's hand. "Call me in a few days when everything has settled down a little. There's no need to rush any of this."

The woman turned on her heel and walked away, leaving Esme as frozen as a statue behind her. She couldn't get her head around it. Bella had no family. She hadn't even considered…

Her eyes rested on the two dark-haired girls beside the grave and her chest tightened again.

_Bella. _

_They couldn't. _

_They wouldn't. _

_They would._

* * *

**A/N:**

Thank you to all the people who are liking and reading this story and even more to the people are reviewing *hint hint*

I'm really sorry that this has taken so long to get up, in comparison to Twilighted anyways. There's been some weird "technical glitch" on and he hasn't let me update and I've been getting really stressed because I really try to put them on both sites at relatively the same time, so some people don't get it before others. Seriously stressed here. Tearing hair out of head kind of stressed. Maybe it's just because I get overly stressed at everything… Ah well..

Thanks most of all the my beta, Twilightzoner, even if she is trying to steal Dreamward away from me *sobs*

That reminds me. DREAMWARD IS MINE!!!!! I wrote him……. So…….. HA…..

Just one second…. HA……..

Okay, now I'm good. That's enough HA-ing for this particular author's note.

That can be a theme for reviews! To help with the melancholy of Bella being taken away, make me laugh! Funny reviews :D

Thanks again for reading 

X

Char


	4. Just Keep Digging, I Can't Feel

**Summary:** _Bella Swan has had a tragic and abusive childhood; everyone knew it. But not everyone knew of the bronze-haired boy who visited her in her dreams. He was the only one who knew the true Bella. But Edward wasn't real, was he?_

**Disclaimer:** _All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the authors. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended._

**Beta: Twilightzoner**

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When Bella had made the trip from Phoenix to Port Angeles two years ago, she hadn't wanted to leave the beautiful deserts where the sun beat down on her back from the ever-clear blue skies. She'd made several good friends in her kindergarten class at school, and she'd loved her teacher, Ms. Honey, who'd always smell of sunflowers and buttercups. But, no matter how much she pouted, cried or stamped her feet, the decision to send her to her father in Forks had not altered.

She'd missed her friends in the years she'd spent away from them, she'd missed Ms. Honey, but most of all she'd missed Renee. She still missed her, but she knew that returning to Phoenix would do nothing to bring her back to her. She was with the angels now, or that's at least what Esme had said.

_Esme, _she sighed, _Alice, even Emmett,_ though his boisterous behavior and his immense size scared her a little. _Daddy_, she thought, biting down on her lower lip. He wouldn't be there for her even if she could've stayed in Forks. It seemed ironic that after being so against leaving Phoenix several years back, she would be this opposed to returning to the place now.

Bella was sitting in the window seat of the front aisle of the plane. Her head was leant against the window, as the world flashed past her closed eyes. She was trying as hard as she could to sleep, but to no avail.

She had counted sheep and she'd even tried to listen to some of Esme's classical music on her newly acquired iPod, though she much preferred Emmett's music. His music was just noise and it drowned out every thought in her head, stopping her from being able to dwell on any of the things that had been happening to her over the course of the last couple of weeks.

But, it was no use. Every time she closed her eyes it was as if she was being fed a livewire, and she was suddenly filled with bounding energy. As soon as she opened her eyes again, she was overwhelmed with the fatigue that hung underneath her chocolate orbs in the form of purple bruises.

Bella was frustrated. She desperately wanted to see Edward again, as she hardly had since before the funeral. She wanted to lay down in the meadow with him, to vent a little, to weep into his chest as he stroked her hair and hear him speak words of comfort into her ear. But, many of the times that she had visited the meadow since then had been so brief that they'd barely been able to utter greetings to each other, let alone hold a conversation with any depth.

The Cullens had given her the iPod as a farewell gift. No matter how much she wished it was just from simple kindness, even taking into account her aversion to gifts, it served as a reminder that she was really moving away from the best family she'd known for the last three years. The unoffending object in her hand made her clench her jaw to stop herself from bursting into tears.

An announcement to prepare for landing was spoken over the intercom, and Bella sighed in defeat – it was clear she wasn't going to get the sleep she yearned for – pulling the iPod earphone from her ears. She caught the worried gaze of the woman beside her, who had been assigned to look after her during the intersection between airports and flights. Bella was ten now, but she still wasn't legally old enough to travel by herself.

The woman, Sally, Bella thought her name was, turned away, embarrassed at being caught looking. The truth was that she'd been looking over at Bella with that same worried gaze for most of the flight. It was clear to her that the girl was unwell. She looked back to Bella as the plan hit the runway, the fake smile plastered back onto her face. "I trust you'll be okay from here, Isabella?" she asked maternally.

Bella nodded. She wasn't totally sure if it was legal for the woman to leave her, but she was sick of Sally's false optimism.

Bella grabbed her carry-on and squeezed through the many people crowded in the aisle, all trying to get off the aircraft as soon as possible. As she walked through security, , she thought of the family she was going to be living with. It was strange that she'd never heard of them, seeing as, according to Social Services, Carlisle Hale's late wife had been her mother's sister.

Her name had also been Isabella, and if she had, indeed, been named after this woman, it was even stranger that she'd never heard of the family. She wasn't blood related to Carlisle, but was a cousin to his two children – twins – whose names she could not remember. Somehow, Social Services had still been able to justify taking her away from those she loved by the fact that she was at least related to the twins.

Bella tugged her small suitcase behind her, as she made her way toward where she would pick up her other suitcase. As she walked past the luggage carousal, she saw many people embracing, some kissing, at being reunited with their loved ones, but almost all of the people seemed to be greeting someone in a friendly, familiar way. Bella felt alone.

She lifted her eyes from these people to sift through the small crowd, searching earnestly for the name 'Swan' displayed anywhere. She'd nearly given up looking by the time her eyes set on her name. 'Isabella Swan' was written in a clear blue marker on a small whiteboard. The man holding it did not look at all familiar. Bella had thought maybe she'd seen photos somewhere, but had been unable to link a name to the face.

"Are you Isabella Swan?" the man asked as Bella walked up to him. She just nodded, admittedly scared of the large man and his abrasive posture. He led her out to a posh silver car and opened the door out for her, and she slid into the back seat. The car had been running for several minutes by the time Bella found her voice.

"Are you Carlisle?" she asked timidly. The man made eye contact with her through the rear view mirror. He had almost black eyes that seemed as dark as coal.

"No, I'm James. I work for the Hales." He returned his attention back to the road and the remainder of the trip was spent in an uncomfortable silence.

The car drove toward a massive house, even larger than the Cullens, through a pair of black iron gates. The building was three stories high and built in a creamy yellow stone. They drove into a large garage which was a separate building to the main house. As soon as the engine had shut off, James was by Bella's door, opening it.

The air was humid, but familiar, and reminded Bella of her time before she came to Forks. It was both a good thing and a bad thing. With the memories of her young

childhood, also came the memories of sweet and loving Renee, memories that made her heart clench. James led Bella to the front door and opened it for her, allowing her to step inside first.

The house was impossibly more luxurious on the inside. The walls were painted a blue so pale that it was almost white, and most of the furniture was made of a deep mahogany wood. Various pieces of modern art hung on the walls, contrasting perfectly with the otherwise old-fashion, but stylish, furniture.

Bella couldn't make out what was depicted in most of the paintings. They were mainly just splurges of bright colors that jumped right out from the canvas, each beautiful in their own way.

"Ahhh, Isabella, we meet at last!" a deep voice spoke from the staircase. Bella turned and saw probably one of the most handsome men she had ever seen walk down the stairs. His sleek blonde hair was swept across the top of his head and a navy short-sleeved button-down was fitted over his broad shoulders.

"Hi," Bella said feebly, looking down at her shoes bashfully.

"I see you've met James?" he asked her. Bella looked up for politeness and nodded her head before returning her eyes back to her shoes.

"Not much of a talker, I see?" he joked. "Well, we'll see what Rosalie and Jasper can do about that!" He called their names up the stairs and the sound of feet hitting wooden floorboards sounded through the house. Rosalie was gripping Jasper's forearm as they ran down the stairs. They were both laughing at some joke one or the other had just told.

Rosalie was probably one of the prettiest girls Bella had ever seen. She had long blond hair that reached bellow her waist, almost to her hips, cascading down her back in tousled curls and contrasting perfectly with her deep Arizona tan.

Jasper was similarly matched and, too, had curly blond hair, but his curls were tighter and fell in front of his eyes whenever he moved his head. The whole family had the same searing blue eyes that made their beauty even more conspicuous, and even though the twins were the same age as Bella, their faces were nearly completely absent of childhood fat.

"Rose, Jasper, this is Isabella."

"Bella," she corrected softly.

"Excuse me?" Carlisle asked politely, taking a step closer to her so that he could hear her better.

"I like to be called Bella." Her voice was so quiet that it was almost a whisper, but the family seemed to hear it. Bella's hair had fallen around her face as she looked down, obscuring most of her features from view.

"Hi, Bella." Jasper came up to her and stuck his hand out in front of him in a way that Bella would be able to see from underneath the barrier her hair made.

She looked up and into his comforting, empathic eyes. She shook his hand and the gesture felt warm and welcoming, well at least in comparison to the cold vibes she could feel emanating from the person to Jasper's right. She looked up at Rosalie, expecting her to come and greet her also, since they all seemed to be very respectful and polite.

But, no, she did not come to her and only gave her a curt nod and a stare that was filled with so much venom that Bella felt like stepping back, though she didn't; she didn't want to seem rude.

"Children, can you show Bella to her room, please?" Carlisle asked, oblivious to Rosalie's hostility.

"Sure," Jasper answered quickly, before Rosalie could utter some harsh retort.

Bella reached behind her to where her bag had been carried in by James and grabbed it with both hands, lugging it up the tall staircase as she followed Jasper up the steps. She could feel a set of eyes staring into the back of her head, and she had a pretty good idea whom they belonged to. Jasper led her along a hallway which was similarly decorated to the room she had first entered.

At the end of the passage was a large window that looked out on a beautiful view of the city, enhanced by the house being perched atop a hill. The late afternoon sun was streaming through the glass and brightening the hallways considerably.

"This is you." Jasper said as he turned the knob to a heavy door made in the same wood as the floor. The door had intricate patterns covering it bottom to top, and it reminded Bella of some sort of puzzle. Her breath caught as she walked into the room which was now hers. It was so big!

She stopped in the doorway as her eyes drifted over the enormous blue-colored room. In the center there was a large queen sized bed with small quaint blue flowers adorning the bedspread. On a door, which must've led to the closet, hung a long full-sized mirror that reflected back the room in front of her. There was another window similar to the one in the hallway opposite the foot of the bed. Instead of the view of the city, you could see the driveway and garage where she'd just arrived.

Jasper was oblivious to her apparent awe, and he walked through the room in a breeze. He crossed to where there was another door, and as he opened it, Bella could see the edge of a bathtub. That room was also bigger than any bathroom she'd been in before, and she almost lost all of what Jasper had said until she inwardly slapped herself, managing to clue in enough to catch on to the end of what he was saying.

He smiled as he finished, and dimples that Bella hadn't noticed before appeared on his cheeks. "Of course, in this weather, a cold shower can be a pleasantry." he added, but to what, Bella wasn't sure.

"Are we done showing the new kid 'round, Jaz?" Rosalie asked mockingly from behind Bella. When she turned around, Bella could see a sneer set clearly on her face.

"Urr… sure… you'll be okay, right, Bella?" He looked into Bella's eyes as if he was trying to read her, or communicate something important, she couldn't tell which. Anyways, his gaze was intense.

"Yeah, I'll be fine." Bella said. After hearing her words, Rosalie held out an arm in front of her in the direction of the door, indicating for Jasper to lead the way out. He shot Bella an apologetic look before he obliged. As Rosalie was about to leave the room, she turned her head back around to stare Bella straight in the eye.

"Nobody wants you here, Bella. You're just some sob story Carlisle feels like he has to take in. Everybody in this house knows it, that's why Jaz is acting so sorry for you. Nobody wants you _anywhere_, Bella."

With that she left the room, closing the door behind her on her way back, and leaving Bella standing frozen in the doorway to her bathroom. As she heard Rosalie's footsteps echo down the hallway away from her, Bella walked over to the bed, laid down across it still fully dressed, and gripped the comforter in between her hands. She breathed in the smell of the bed and couldn't help but notice how unfamiliar it was and how much she longed for a scent that was familiar in a place that she knew.

Tears pricked her eyes, and though she tried to blink them away, they still continued to fall and soak into the pillow. Nobody disturbed her that night, not even to bring her food or ask her to dinner, and she was glad. She didn't want to face them knowing what she did now, that they didn't want her, only taking her in because they pitied her.

That night, Bella Swan cried herself to the first proper sleep she'd had in two weeks. She welcomed the rest and part of her was happy for the final comfort to be found in unconsciousness. That small part was greatly overshadowed by the all-consuming part that filled her with sorrow.

Sorrow for her father, sorrow for leaving her beloved makeshift family, sorrow for being so undesirable in the first place that fate itself didn't even wish for her company , and finally sorrow for going so long without the comforting satisfaction of Edward's company.

At least the last of her troubles would soon be put right, and as she lost consciousness, the image of his face pushed away all of her other worries.

###

"Bella?" Edward's voice echoed back at him as it reverberated across the meadow. His eyes were raking through the pastures from his position atop the hill, and the wind was ripping ruthlessly through his unbuttoned shirt and khaki pants. He continued to probe the meadow, as if Bella was going to just suddenly appear from behind a tree and yell, "gotcha!" like she did when she was younger.

When he realized that she wasn't hiding from him and was truly gone for another night, he allowed himself to fall backward onto the bouncing grasses – knowing fully well that the fall would call him no pain in this place – and let out a defeated sigh. He closed his eyes and concentrated on the warmth of the golden sun shining upon him. The heat bore down on his eyelids, his cheekbones, his lips… already he was relaxed.

In any other circumstance, entertaining himself in this beautiful place would be no problem. The things he could do here were limitless. It was only in comparison to his best friend's company that made him suddenly seem bored of the meadow.

Next he concentrated on the feeling of the cold wind blowing over him, sending his hair into even more of an unruly mess atop his head, and causing a fleeting chill to pass through his body. As he took in a deep breath through his nose, he could smell all the wild flowers that had bloomed over the meadow throughout the springtime and the smell of the wind as it skimmed across the waters and rushed through the leaves of the trees surrounding the lake.

"Edward," a voice whispered softly, close to his ear. It was so unexpected that it made his whole body jump, and he sat straight up in the grass. He looked around to find the perpetrator that disturbed his peace. Once he'd found her, he worked to make his eyes narrowed slits watching the girl who approached him.

Bella could see that she had surprised Edward, and she took a little pride in it as it was not an easy thing to do. Edward seemed to have the most acute sense of both hearing and sight that she had ever seen. She could also see the humor behind his narrowed eyes, and the excitement at seeing her again.

"Sorry, if you want me to go…" she said, leading off on her words and making as if to stand up and walk away. But, before she could even stand, Edward grabbed her wrist and pulled her against his chest, holding her head in place under his chin and rubbing small circles with his thumb into the side of her shoulder.

Bella was happy with the simple comfort she hadn't felt for over a week, and neither wished to break the silence. But, after several minutes – it could have been hours – they both drew slightly away from one another to look into each other's eyes.

"You're still hurting, Bella." Edward said disapprovingly, but Bella could hear the slight hurt in his own voice, as if by seeing her pain it made him hurt too. He raised his arm to trace the shadows under Bella's eyes with his thumb. She pulled her face down to try and conceal them from him, but he grasped her chin and pulled it up at an angle that gave his eyes a perfect path into hers.

"What's wrong?" he asked, a glint of worry in his own.

"It's nothing…" Bella dismissed.

"Nothing's nothing, Bella." He looked again into her eyes, this time in a way that made it seem like he was trying to probe the information out of her.

"By 'nothing' I meant nothing new." she said, avoiding his searching gaze.

He could tell that there was something she wasn't telling him. "Anything else?" he asked.

"It's just moving in with a new family on top of everything else, you know?" Edward nodded, though he couldn't possibly be wholly empathic, but tried to sympathize with her in the best way possible.

"The Hales, right?" He wasn't totally sure of their names. Since Bella had found out that she'd be moving back to Phoenix, they'd only had one short conversation together.

"Carlisle seems like a great man and Jasper is very hospitable and friendly," she said, hoping that he wouldn't remember that she'd mentioned one more family member in their past conversation.

"And his sister?" He could see right through her.

"Rosalie is… less hospitable," she mumbled in a voice so low that she hoped he wouldn't be able to hear it.

"It's going to be okay, Bella," he said, not asking for her to elaborate. He knew that if she wanted to talk about this Rosalie character, she would have. He rocked them both to-and-fro, each listening to the regulating breathing of the other.

Their eyes closed until all they could sense was the touch of each other's warm embrace, the many sweet smells that hung in the air, and the sounds of the wind as it blew through the trees and merged with the sound of the swans gliding over the lake. Bella succumbed to sleep only a moment before Edward, allowing him to briefly absorb the pain she was feeling from this new period in her life, before he, too, lost awareness and Bella's pain along with it.

* * *

Again, thanks to all the people reading this story and, though she is still pursuing my Dreamward, my beta, Twilight zoner.

There's a link on my profile to some pictures of the meadow that I took :). This meadow is the place that appears when I close my eyes, even when I dream at night (ooer). It is my happy place :D So, please be gracious that I'm sharing it with you, sometimes I don't even let my friends see it when they come over. I'm too selfish :P

I'm not sure if this is one of my best chapters or not. I don't know why... there's just something about it... Grr... it's frustrating me... Maybe it's just because it's a sad chapter, but I dunno.


	5. The Ugly Duckling

**Summary:** _Bella Swan has had a tragic and abusive childhood; everyone knew it. But not everyone knew of the bronze-haired boy who visited her in her dreams. He was the only one who knew the true Bella. But Edward wasn't real, was he?_

_**Disclaimer:** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the authors. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended._

**Beta: Twilightzoner**

* * *

The day Bella left was a memory implanted deeply in all three Cullens' heads. Even Emmett - who had kept his distance from the young girl, being under the impression that he frightened her - was sad to see her leave the big house by the river.

"Bye, Bella," Alice whispered hoarsely into her best friend's ear as they embraced by the white door. Tears were streaming down Alice's cheeks, but she did not attempt to remove them. Instead, she allowed them to stain her blotchy cheeks with their glistening drops. There were no tears falling from Bella's eyes, and Alice couldn't help but think it strange. But, there was no mistaking that the emotion in her eyes was anything but sorrow.

Alice removed herself from Bella's arms, and they fell limp by her sides. Emmett took the space where Alice had been, and picked Bella up, pulling her against his chest. "I know I didn't show it very much, Bells. But, I'm gonna miss you, too." As he put her back down on the floor, Bella's legs turned to jelly. She would've fallen to the ground if it were not for the final pair of arms left to embrace her.

Esme sobbed into Bella's shoulder, though she tried to stop herself so that she could take her turn to whisper into the girl's ear. "Good-bye, my daughter," she said in between her sobs. Esme held her longer than the other two had, and Bella felt as if she was going to cry like she had all of last night. But there were no tears to fall.

"Come on, Bella," Mrs. Stanley - the woman the whole family had grown to loathe over the past few weeks - spoke from under a navy umbrella, just outside the door. After one last squeeze for good measure, Esme let go of Bella and took a step back to observe the vacant expression of the girl.

"Thank you for being so cooperative," Mrs. Stanley said, "When we spoke at the funeral, I was afraid that maybe you'd be less... accommodating to our rules."

"It's the law," Esme spoke through her teeth, trying to hold onto any civility that she still had in her, which was, admittedly, very little.

Mrs. Stanley walked Bella to the taxi, and the both of them climbed into the backseat. The Cullens had waved from the door, but it was unlikely that Bella would have seen them. Once she'd left, they hadn't known quite what to do with themselves. It felt wrong somehow to just continue on with their daily chores.

Instead, they chose wordlessly, to sit in the living room together, just the three of them and the silence of the house - the silence which they had grown used to being filled by Bella's jubilant cries. Alice and Esme were both still crying, and Esme wrapped her arms around Alice so that she could sob into her daughter's hair whilst Alice wept into Esme's chest. Emmett felt like the odd man out and was the first to vacate to his room. The other two stayed on the couch for a good hour, though, before they agreed that they should get on with their day, or nothing would get done.

###

Alice stood leaning against her locker with her eyes closed, as she tried to will the voices away. Her brow was crumpled in concentration, but when she heard the bell ring from down the hallway, she admitted that her attempt was futile, and allowed the voices to swarm around her head as she walked to class. Alice was nearing her last day of high school, now, and the people who'd excluded her in elementary school and middle school - both - had inevitably followed her there.

They had been her friends before Bella had taken their place, though after she'd made friends with the New Girl, it had become clear that they were not truly her friends, or they would not have excluded her as they had. Sometimes she wished she hadn't taken the plunge and become Bella's friend. She'd think that maybe, if she'd just rejected her like the others did, because of her traumatic life in Phoenix, they wouldn't resent her as much as they did now for leaving their social circle which, of course, was so superior to everyone else's.

Whenever she'd considered the thought, however, she'd immediately dismissed it and had felt ashamed for even thinking of it in the first place. Bella had been, and still was, the best friend she'd ever had. Nobody had anticipated her leaving, not even Alice herself, and she could never have seen then what would've happened if she'd befriended her.

She was glad that she had, though. Bella had needed somebody, and that somebody clearly wasn't going to be found within her family. Alice slid into her desk at the back of the classroom and proceeded to place her iPod earphones into her ears in a way that would be invisible to anyone who didn't look too closely.

She found herself humming quietly along to the music as she flipped through her notebook to where her History notes were. History was her favorite subject and the only subject in which she could risk raising her hand and answer correctly. She turned up the volume on her iPod, hoping that her concentration on her notes and the added noise would help to deafen her from the voices.

After she realized that her notes were not helping anything, she put them back on her desk, and instead proceeded to close her eyelids, as she had in the hallway, and concentrate wholly on the pounding beats of the heavy metal music. She was so absorbed that she didn't hear the footsteps coming closer and closer to her. She only acknowledged the two girls' presence on either side of her when she felt the ear buds yanked out her ears and the sting as a hardback book slammed into the back of her head.

Her eyes immediately flashed open, but she didn't bother to turn her head. She knew who would be standing there, and did not wish to see their satisfied faces sneering at her. Instead, she just picked up her notes again, trying to focus on what they had been doing the lesson before, attempting to implant the dates in her head as she did so.

At that moment the teacher walked in, and she pulled out a pen to begin her notes for another lesson. She could still feel the sting at the back of her head. It was a sick reminder of the girls' hostility toward her, and she had to bite down on her lip to stop herself from bursting into tears every time she thought about it during the next hour.

###

The rest of Alice's day went by relatively normally. The girls didn't try anything for the remainder of the day, and she was glad. She sat by herself at lunch, as usual.

Since her brother left for college two years ago, she hadn't had anyone to sit with to eat, and even when she had, she hadn't felt as if she fit in with the well-muscled boys and their disgusting dining habits. Well, disgusting except for Emmett's, who had eaten his lunches in a much more civilized manner than his friends. He had been brought up by Esme Cullen, after all.

The trip home in the overly optimistic yellow bus was also spent alone, as Esme thought it a waste of the world's finite resources to take a car to school when there was a perfectly good bus service that could do the trip just as well. It didn't matter to her, or maybe it just hadn't come to her attention, that making Alice take the bus to school did nothing to help with her incredibly low social status and made her the butt of even more pranks that the girls at school liked to play on her.

When Alice got home, she went straight to the kitchen. Esme still hadn't stopped baking for her return home, as she had when she was a child, and Alice didn't complain. She grabbed a muffin and had started to climb the staircase, but stopped in her tracks when she heard sound of her mother's voice calling her name.

"Alice?" Esme called from where she had just exited the kitchen.

"Uh uh?" Alice said, her mouth full of the moist muffin.

"Something came in the mail for you, hon." Esme came into view with her arm outstretched and a large envelope in her hand.

"Okay," Alice said, her voice no longer muffled by the cake, her mouth empty. She took the envelope from her mother and walked back into the kitchen, Esme tailing slowly after her. She pulled out one of the chairs and proceeded to sit at the table.

She laid down the remainder of her muffin on the table, and tore open the envelope. She had only noted the writing at the top of the page that read, "University of Oregon," before Esme spoke out.

"Congratulations!" She took the final step toward her daughter, and put her arms around her neck, bending down so her head was rested on her shoulder.

Alice's eyes were still skimming through the remainder of the writing, but she managed to get out a sentence as she continued to read. "How... how did you know?"

"That you got accepted?" she asked rhetorically, "Well it said 'University of Oregon' on the front, sweetie, and they weren't going to send an envelope that thick to say that you got rejected, now, were they?"

"We... Well, no. But..." she mumbled so quietly that Esme didn't hear her.

"Oh! My little girl is growing up!" She nuzzled Alice's neck and squeezed her even tighter.

###

Bella was sitting in the backseat of the black Mercedes, and her head leaning against the window. Her eyes were closed as she tried to will the bags underneath them to disappear through the only way she knew how. It had only been just over seven-and-a-half years since her move to Phoenix, but if felt like much longer.

She could hardly remember Alice at all, and only had faint memories of baking and games played around a colossal garden. In fact, the day that she had found out about her father's death was one of the clearest from her past. She could reminisce on all the details of that day, though it was one that she wished she could forget the most.

There had been good parts of that day, though; namely, the comfort of a bronze haired boy found in her unconsciousness, and the reassuring arms of her family, whom she'd loved. She sighed. That was the past - way, way back in the past. She knew that she would never have such a happy time in her life again.

Her existence was now ruled by a group of narcissistic stereotypical high school girls. All of them seemed to hone such a potent dislike for her, a dislike that she could only guess was fed to them from her cousin. At least it had taught her to grow thick skin, and her feelings were now almost always hidden behind such a profuse exterior that it took a very strong force to be able to penetrate through it, a force only found in the faith of a boy in her dreams.

She felt a hand touch hers and she opened her eyes, meeting a pair of searing blue ones. The beauty of her cousins had done nothing but improve through their adolescence, and she couldn't help but feel like the ugly duckling. Maybe she was the ugly duckling. She was unwanted, unattractive - it all fit.

"Bella?" Jasper said, "We're here." She lifted her head slightly and nodded in his direction. She didn't need to speak with Jasper. Nobody did. It was as if he understood what you were feeling or trying to say. Anyway, he needed no confirmation by way of speech.

She sighed from being denied the sleep she had yearned for, and proceeded to open the car door. She walked around to the trunk and pulled out her bag, swinging it over her shoulder as she slamming the lid closed. Just as she was turning around, she heard the sound of a revving engine behind her, and knew that Rosalie had arrived.

Why Rosalie insisted on driving her convertible to school, Bella would never know. It was just as convenient - and stylish - to be driven to school by your family's own personal driver in a Mercedes. Yet, she was determined to get her way, and as usual 'Daddy' obliged.

After her first hour of class, Bella returned to her locker. Her bag was laden with books, pulling down her shoulder and making it ache, yet she still had to grab more books for her next class. The large clock on the wall was ticking away, and Bella was very aware of its progress as she turned the numbers on the dial.

She swung the door open and stopped, frozen in her tracks at the sight before her. Bella always kept her iPod in her locker. It was the safest place for it while she was at school. Well... that's what she had thought. She reached out one arm to hold the object in her hand.

She raised it closer to her face, but as expected, the illusion did not change. The screen had an elongated crack down it, so did the dial underneath it. It was clear that it had been hit with something very heavy. Nothing else would have been able to make a crack that big.

She pressed down on the buttons on the dial, but, as she suspected, it didn't work. She held the object tightly in her hand and she could see her skin turning white around it. She felt a tear trail down her face. It was a tear of sadness. They had done it. They had broken through her exterior, and she'd had enough.

She stuffed the abused device into her jacket pocket and pulled out her cell, dialing the number for James.

"Hello? James?" she spoke into the phone. "Can you possibly come and collect me? I'm not feeling too well." She didn't wait for a response and just hung up the phone. She knew that he would come. He served the Hales and, in effect, her. She hated to let Rosalie and her posse know that they had won, but they had, one thousand times, and they never allowed her to forget it.

More tears followed the first as she walked to the front of the school. She ignored all the quizzical looks of her fellow classmates and only stopped when she had reached the sidewalk, sitting down on the curb.

It wasn't long before the black Mercedes pulled up, and she wordlessly stood up and climbed into the back seat. The journey was spent in silence as she stared at her iPod. No thoughts were coming from the act, but she couldn't bear to tear her eyes away from it. When she returned home, there was nobody at the house, except for James and herself, of course. Carlisle was at work and Jasper was still at school, Rosalie with him.

Rosalie would probably know that she'd won by now. It never really was a competition. Why did she bother to try if she knew that she was going to win anyway? Bella didn't understand.

She walked into the kitchen on the way to her room, but three large white envelopes on the kitchen table caught her attention. They were exactly identical, but on closer inspection, she noticed that they were each addressed to a separate person. There was one for her, one for Rosalie and one for Jasper.

She picked up hers curiously and sat down at the table. She pulled out the paper within and read the words, "Congratulations, you've been accepted at University of Oregon," before she placed it back down on the table. She was uninterested in anything else they said beyond those words.

She continued her walk up to her room, rubbing at her eyes, which still had tears falling out of them. The sun was streaming through her window and she remembered back to when she had first arrived in the huge house, and how the views of Phoenix and the immense size of her room had amazed her so greatly. She thought nothing of it now. It wasn't home. It was the room that she lived in. Home was in the meadow, and home she wanted to be.

She walked over to her CD player and slotted in a disk of classical music that was lying on the top. She allowed the flowing melody to lull her into a false sense of security, trying to clear all thoughts from her mind, before collapsing onto her bed. She focused wholly on the music, not on her university acceptance, and especially not on Rosalie Hale. It wasn't long before she fell asleep, and her fatigue-driven body welcomed it.

###

The meadow was beautiful today. Though it was only January, the temperature did not affect Bella, the cold allowing a beautiful light to filter through the medium of the air. There was a slight wind blowing across the waters of the lake, creating ripples that flowed in waves to the bank, like a beach. As Bella took in the serenity of the place, she could feel her defenses finally falling.

She walked up right to the edge of the bank, where there was a foot drop to the lake, and wrapped her arms around a tree trunk, swinging herself around it so that she was hanging above the water. She may have been eighteen, but she was still entitled to childish moments.

"Bella," she heard a voice whisper into her ear. Immediately her arms unclasped and she braced herself for the impact of the icy cold waters of the lake... that never came. She felt a pair of strong, warm arms under her back, and opened her eyes to be met by a pair of green emerald ones. The eyes were amused as they stared down at her, and she could feel herself blushing.

Edward chuckled as he put her back on her feet. Bella turned determinedly in the other direction as soon as her feet touched the ground, facing the hill, and walked swiftly away from him. He easily kept pace with her, but she pretended that she couldn't see him beside her. When she had gotten halfway up the hill, she felt a hand on her shoulder, and Edward turned her around to face him. She sighed, sitting down in the grass in front of him. He sat across from her, so that they were both sitting cross-legged, facing each other.

"How've you been, Bella?" he asked cautiously. He could tell from the emotion in her eyes that she wasn't in the most joyous of moods.

"I got into UOFO," she said softly.

"Bella, that's great!" Edward couldn't see what the problem was.

"Uh uh..."

"What's wrong?"

"Jasper and Rosalie got into UOFO, too," she said in the same soft voice.

"Oh." He didn't know what else he could say to her. He could tell that there was something else bothering her, but he'd learnt over the years that it was best, with Bella, if you just let her tell you whatever was wrong in her own time. He held out his arms in front of him, wrapping them around her back, and pulling her into a slightly uncomfortable embrace.

After a few moments of that, Edward sighed, and instead leant back against the grass so that she was lying on top of him. Bella relaxed quietly on top of him, listening to Edward's heart beating loudly in her ear, and the sensation of his undulating chest as he breathed in and out.

"Rosalie broke my iPod." She thought that she must've sounded childish, but Edward understood the gravity of what the act and what it did to her, even if Rosalie Hale didn't.

"Oh, Bella." He pulled her even closer to his chest in comfort.

Bella could feel the moisture building up behind her tear ducts. She didn't try to stop them as she sobbed deeply into Edward's chest.

"It was the last memory I had of them!" she managed to get out in between sobs.

"Shhh, it's going to be okay, Bella." Edward wasn't totally sure if the words he were speaking were true - Bella seemed to be digging her own grave deeper and deeper, and soon she wouldn't be able to climb out of the hole - but, he spoke the words anyway.

Bella cried herself to sleep in the meadow that night, Edward following soon after her. He just wished that his friend's hard times would end soon.

He was afraid they would kill her.

* * *

**AN:** So what did everyone think of Alice's voices?


	6. Time Means Nothing

**Summary:** _Bella Swan has had a tragic and abusive childhood; everyone knew it. But not everyone knew of the bronze-haired boy who visited her in her dreams. He was the only one who knew the true Bella. But Edward wasn't real, was he?_

_**Disclaimer:** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the authors. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended._

**Beta: Twilightzoner**

* * *

Bella was, once again, full of fatigue as she made her way through the gates of the university. The campus was vast – she could already tell – and everything was so… green. She could remember the green plants from her short time living in Forks, though, admittedly, she'd forgotten about the vibrancy and the variety of the shades coloring the ancient foliage. The place felt new to her, as if it were to be a brand new step in her life.

She swore that she would turn over a new leaf, leaving her bad past behind her, and not allow a certain Rosalie Hale to affect her life anymore. She was sick of the way she had been treated throughout the last eight years, and she was going to stand up to her. Gratefully, Rose had gone to find her own dorm with Jasper, instead of them staying as a group. On the downside, she now had the task of finding her own way to her dorm, and she had never been good at navigating.

Her nose was buried deep in the map in her hands as she made her way across campus. She could hear the sounds of footsteps, talking and laughter surrounding her as other students walked around together, likely finding their own assigned dorms, also. The task wasn't as taxing as she'd first expected, and she only took a wrong turn once. Even then, it had only made her journey marginally longer, not deterring her completely.

The building was tall and gray with rows upon rows of windows scaling it from top to bottom. She walked forward and into the entrance of the building, through a pair of golden doors, and pulled out a small piece of paper from her backpack telling her the assigned dorm number. After reading it, she chanted the number inside her head, so as not to forget it.

_E69, E69, E69,_ she chanted.

She pressed the button for the elevator and the doors pinged open only a few seconds later. Luck seemed to be on her side today. Nobody else was in the small compartment, so she pressed the button for floor 'E', listening to the annoying voice of the woman on the intercom as she announced the closing of the doors.

The hallway was full of sophomores, juniors and seniors, chatting animatedly about their summer breaks. Bella's eyes raked over the doors as she made her way through the groups of people. When she finally reached her door, she stood still in front of it, bracing herself. She was sure to meet her new roommate in a few moments and that would either go one way or the other. These roommate relationships could be either a good one or a bad one, and she had no idea which it would be.

She turned the doorknob and the door opened out into a smallish room. She'd persuaded Carlisle to allow her to pay for college herself, even if both Jasper and Rosalie were leeching off his bulging wallet, so she'd expected a small room. The first thing she noticed upon entering was color. A LOT of color.

It was as if the room had been bathed in the stuff. Bright pink comforters were laid over both of the single beds, a purple alarm clock was already placed on the bedside table, flashing the correct time, and posters of bands that were just too girly for Bella's taste, were hung on the walls. The whole place gave her a migraine just looking at it, and she had a sudden urge to stuff all of the color under the beds and fall flat on her face onto a bare bed.

Instead, she went to sit on the bed she assumed was hers (the other was covered in piles of clothing) and pulled out her cell phone, creating a new message.

"My roommate's insane" she texted to Alice, closing her phone as she finished, a small smile on her face at remembrance of her old friend. She didn't feel like unpacking and instead turned on the bed so that she was lying atop it, comforter and all, hoping to catch a short nap before meeting this surely erratic roommate she'd inevitably landed herself with.

###

"What do you mean you've run out of cappuccino?!" Alice screamed at the poor boy behind the desk at Starbucks. It was such a pleasantry that Starbucks happened to be only a block away from her dorm building, and she was determined to utilize that privilege as heartily as possible, starting now.

"We…we've got latté?" the boy offered, and by Alice's reaction it was clearly one of the worst things he could possibly say.

"Latté?" she said in a scarily sweet, sugary voice. "You want me to have a fricking latté?!" Her voice grew louder as she spoke.

She didn't allow the boy to answer her question, spinning on her heel, and strutting in her Jimmy Choos out the door of the coffee shop. She'd just have to speak to her roommate for the first time without the wonderful companion of coffee at hand. She pressed the button inside the elevator, which took her to her floor, and dodged past all the students who had suddenly appeared in the hallway.

As she walked, she heard a beeping from her phone. She pulled it out of her pocket, flipping open the screen, and reading the text from Bella with a small smile on her face.

"My roommate's insane" it read.

She didn't know what university Bella had attended; it was some sort of unspoken agreement between the two of them to not disclose any locations. Alice didn't understand why, but she didn't think to break the rule - Bella must have some sort of reason.

She started texting back her reply eagerly, laughing as she imagined her childhood best friend with some gothic girl, texting away as said girl hung skulls up on the walls. As she opened the door to her room, the first thing she noticed was her roommate's loud snoring coming from her bed. Her face was pressed into the pink comforter, and she seemed to be just a body and a mop of dark brown hair.

Alice returned to where she had been laying out her clothes, and continued to put them into piles, according to color and season, before placing them inside the closet. She saw the small suitcase her roommate had brought with her, and took note to go shopping with the girl and increase her small wardrobe.

"Edward," Alice heard a voice speak from across the room. It wasn't what she'd said that made Alice turn from her closet to the single bed. It was the quality of the tone, so familiar, but from another time altogether.

Alice froze where she stood as she thought of whom the voice could belong to. She ignored the persistent voices in her head, for once, and, instead, sifted through her childhood memories, memories she tried so hard to circumvent.

She did not avoid them for their sadness. No, they were among the most happy times of her life. But, that was the reason for evading them. To feel the happiness of another time when you are at your worst, only amplified the pain.

But, sifting through those bittersweet memories, no matter how it clenched her heart to do so, she had her answer.

She was across the room in seconds, gripping the shoulders of the girl she had never thought to see again for many a year.

"Bella!" she shrieked, startling the girl beneath her hands so much that the girl screamed into the comforter.

###

For the first time since she'd been born, it was a voice that pulled Bella out of Edward's arms, instead of falling asleep encircled in them, as she usually did. The voice was so high and piercing that it sounded as if it belonged to some kind of animal more than it belonged to an actual human being. Her eyes flashed open, only to be met by darkness.

Immediately, fear seized her. She could hear screaming from somewhere close by, and she did not feel safe around the apparent loss of light. It took her a few seconds to realize that it was only dark because her face was pressed against the comforter of her new bed that she already hated, and then some more to realize that the screaming was coming from within her.

As soon as she grasped a hold of her new found revelations, she worked to stop her wailing, and turned around on the bed to be met by a pair of black orbs, framed by thick eyelashes. The girl's lips were pulled apart in a beaming grin, though her eyes held a note of uncertainty and fear inside of them, likely from Bella's small outburst.

Her short hair was falling slightly into her face, so that the spikes, that would usually be framing it, were sticking out at even more angles. As soon as her screaming had ceased, it almost immediately started up again. She shot straight up in bed and grabbed the shoulders of the girl as she had her, pulling them both up from the bed.

"Alice!" she screamed, jumping up and down, a smile on her face that made the muscles in her cheeks ache.

"Bella!" Alice replied in the same tone. Bella could see that her friend was just as excited to see her as she was, and she was glad that nothing seemed to have changed in their relationship over the last eight years, even if they had only kept in contact with each other through means of technology.

It took a few moments for Bella to realize that they were jumping up and down like they were twelve-year-old girls who'd just found out that one or the other had gotten a date with their crush. Bella stopped the jumping, but Alice continued in the happy-dance until Bella grasped onto her shoulders more firmly, holding her in place in front of her.

"What…how…?" Bella stuttered. Now that the excitement had left her, all that remained was pure shock.

"Well, I wanted to go somewhere out of state, you know?" Alice started. "But, I didn't want to be too far away from home, so I thought UO was perfect!" She pulled Bella into a tight hug against her, almost crushing her against her petite form.

"It… it's just so great to see you, Alice," Bella said, pulling them both onto the edge of her bed, after she received several quizzical looks from her friend. "I've missed you so much." Bella hugged her again, savoring the tangy smell of citrus fruits emanating from her, hoping to commit her scent to her memory for years to come.

###

She was flying. She was flying up in the wispy white clouds of God-knows-where, and everything below her was miniature, as if she was not connected to the reality down below, and only to the sky in which she flew.

She could see a plane. The plane was a faded white, and there was a logo for some Airline Company printed on the side. It was too blurred for Alice to make out, though. Everything was blurred.

She could hear the sounds of the radio as the plane contacted another, or perhaps an airport, she couldn't tell. She could hear the sounds of all the people inside the plane, talking about their mundane lives, and perhaps a holiday they had just experienced. The act seemed so innocuous, but Alice could feel a cloud of foreboding hanging on the horizon.

She felt like shaking her head and, with it, shaking off the sinister feeling she held. But, to no avail. No matter how much she tried, the feeling was still there – taunting her. She felt like she should do something, do anything to change the atmosphere that was filling her with unease. But what could she do? She didn't know why she could feel this sense of portentousness, and so was left utterly powerless.

Suddenly, she was in the front of the plane. No longer was she flying amongst the clouds above the aircraft. She could see the two men controlling the plane. Bored expressions plagued their faces as they pressed the correct buttons at the right intervals; it was just another day's work to them.

Alice wanted to scream at them to turn the plane around, to do _something_ that would change whatever she felt was going to happen. But, her screams were futile. It seemed as if she might as well not have a mouth to speak with – all she could do was stand in the small room, watching every movement either of the two men made as they flew closer and closer toward their, soon-to-be, tragic fate. She wanted more than anything to be able to warn them, or to prevent the incident somehow, even if she did not yet know what she was trying to prevent.

She lifted her gaze from the two men, and up toward the glass screen in front of her. Far away – too far away for the men in the reality to be able to see, but her senses were always enhanced in these "dreams" of hers – was another plane, and it was headed straight for them.

She became even more frantic as she tried to break through whatever force was keeping her from the pilots' reality. Her feet were rooted to the spot as she stared, eyes opened wide to an almost painful degree, as the progressing plane came closer and closer and the men slowly became alerted to the situation, becoming as frenzied as she was. Her shouts called on and on, and she could feel her voice growing hoarse from all the exertion. But, she couldn't stop, just in case there was an infinitesimal chance that she could break through to them, even if it was in the last moment that they heard her.

Alice screamed louder than she ever had before, as she felt the impact of the distant plane crash into them. She couldn't see the collision. She felt no pain.

All she could sense was the feeling of dread, and her vision blurred even further, before she blacked out completely.

Alice woke up breathing heavily in a bed that was unfamiliar to her. A thin sheen of sweat coated her forehead, but when she tried to raise her arm to wipe it against her wrist, it was as if she were paralyzed. It took a few moments before her breathing evened out, and she was able to lift one arm to hold her palm against her chest, pushing down as if to try to slow her rapidly beating heart.

She shifted her gaze from the ceiling to across the room, her eyes resting on the face of her old friend, smiling in her sleep. It felt like hours before tiredness began to coat her mind once more, but she could not fall asleep. No, she would not let herself.

Instead she stared back up at the ceiling, preparing to wait out the rest of the hours of darkness as she was. She felt overwhelmed with exhaustion, but she couldn't bear to fall back into her vivid unconsciousness, where her dreams came alive and nothing seemed certain anymore.

* * *

I'm sorry this is a little late out. For some strange reason, that I, myself, am not quite certain about, this chapter was hard to write for me :S. I dunno...

And with that last bit of the chapter - yes, it was a vision, yes, it was meant to be confusing like that, an no, I can't have one 100% fluffy chapter :P - it will makes sense later on.

I'd love to hear your ideas for the next chapter when all of them meet up, because... well... I'm like that...

And, I'm in a 'music junkie' mood, so all ideas would be appreciated. I'm looking to make a playlist for this story :)

Thank you for reading, and for all the faithful reviewers who review every chapter :) I try to reply to all of them, but my spacked up knowledge of computers renders me incapable sometimes. Like, when the internet suddenly crashes. That usually sends me into some cardiac fit, and only when I've recovered (and rocked forward and backward with my knees held against my chest) can I return to trying to reply, and sometimes... I just loose the email that notifies me to a review, so I'm sorry about that. And, I'm sorry for rambling on like I have :P. REALLY long authors note.

And yes, I have a tendency to over exaggerate, and no, I'm not seeing a therapist. Although, one of my best friends is a physiatrist and we tend to have very heart-to-heart conversations about what I think. Does that count? I think it might... Oops...

Again, sorry for the delay (And the inappropriately long author's note).

Farewell, me laddy.

(God, was that just a pirate impersonation? Maybe I do need to go see a therapist...)


	7. Ecstasy and Pretty Dresses

**Summary:** _Bella Swan has had a tragic and abusive childhood; everyone knew it. But not everyone knew of the bronze-haired boy who visited her in her dreams. He was the only one who knew the true Bella. But Edward wasn't real, was he?_

**Disclaimer:** _All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the authors. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended._

**Beta: Twilightzoner**

* * *

They were both sitting across from each other, their legs crossed Indian-style in front of them, underneath their tree. For once, their meeting was one of happiness instead of the overwhelming sadness that they'd grown to know over the past couple of years. A wide grin was spread across Bella's face, Edward's smile answering it, her joy bringing forth his own. He was almost as elated as she was regarding her reunion with Alice and, though she'd already gone over the subject with him the night before, her euphoria continued to radiate off her in waves from their last meeting.

"Alice and I are going to dinner tonight," Bella said, and Edward could see that she was close to visibly bouncing atop the long grass. "She's bringing someone she met at the mall today. She says I'm going to love her."

Each of Bella's sentences were short and simple as she tried to contain her enthusiasm. To anyone else, it would be slightly aggravating, and she sounded as if she'd just run a marathon. Edward was just glad that she was able to talk about someone she loved in her life, without watching the pain he could see in her eyes as she thought back to the time when she lived in Forks. Their hands were joined in the grass in front of them, and, by the way she grasped his in hers so tightly, if he didn't know any better, he'd assume she'd drank too much coffee, but the energy found in caffeine took a different form in the meadow. It was found in the wind, in the waters, in the sky. You name it, it was there.

"I'm so happy for you, Bella," Edward replied, removing his hands from hers with, admittedly, some effort. He uncrossed his legs and reached out to hold one side of her waist in his hand. His other hand disappeared behind her back to take a hold of the other. He shuffled back slightly, so that his back was pressed against the rough tree trunk, and pulled her to his chest, forcing her to straighten her legs out in front of her, and lay back against him, in between his legs.

Her body associated his with peace and security and by just being in such close proximity to him calmed her nerves. She relaxed in his arms, and laid her head against his left shoulder, turning slightly so that she was looking down the incline to the lake. Its beauty never failed to captivate her and her smile, which had dropped along with the relaxation of all the other muscles in her body, rose softly. She closed her eyes, and she could feel the fresh wind riding up the hill and into her face from its journey skimming across the waters.

She opened her eyes. If she were to die now, in Edward's arms and in this mesmerizing place, it wouldn't cause her as much despair as if she were to die in the real world. Or what others referred to as the real world, but could never be more real than the meadow.

She could feel her eyes closing once more, and so could Edward. He was just as hypnotized by the allure of the meadow, and it never failed to bring him to the same drowsy state. Though he enjoyed watching Bella sleep, as her tranquility was even more fascinating to watch than the meadow, he couldn't stop his eyes from closing fully at the same time as hers.

The both fell into their own separate states of unconsciousness at the same moment, each returning to a reality that was, for them, equally less authentic than the world behind their closed eyelids.

###

Bella could sense when she had returned to her dorm, but instead of opening her eyes to the room around her, she kept them closed, basking in the warmth that she could feel slowly escaping her. She tried to grasp onto it, but it continued to slip through her fingers. Infuriated, she counted to five in her head before opening her eyes completely.

She almost screamed as her eyes were immediately met with a pair of black, beady ones. She flinched back into the wall on the other side of her bed, her hand immediately rising to clutch her heart. It took her a few moments to realize that it was Alice in front of her, and when she did, she let out the long breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding.

"Wakey, wakey, Bella," Alice said in her sing-song voice, grinning widely at Bella.

"Alice, are you _trying_ to scare me to death?" Bella asked in a dangerously calm voice, staring mock-daggers in Alice's direction. She couldn't be truly mad at her; they hadn't even been reunited for a full day, yet.

"You know you aren't mad at me," she said in the same voice that sounded like bell chimes. _Damn,_ Bella thought, _it's as if she can read my mind._ "Now, put this on."

It was only then that Bella realized what was draped over Alice's arm. The material, though there was visibly not much of it, was colored black and white. Good. Alice seemed to remember Bella's fear of all things conspicuous. In her hand was a pair of simple black tights tied in a knot, and, dangling from her fingers, were a pair of patent black high heels. Just the sight of them made her dizzy, a mixture of her fear for heights and inability to remain vertical combined. No new paragraph.

She narrowed her eyes at the offending shoes before returning her gaze to Alice's face.

"Be-lla," she sang, stretching her name into two syllables. "Please let me dress you." Her lips were in full pout fashion, and Bella could feel her resolve falling. Knowing that Alice was going to win the argument anyway, she groaned and swung her legs around and off the bed. Alice squeaked and began skipping around the room in a way that resembled a ballerina more than anyone had a right to.

"I didn't say 'yes'," Bella moaned. Though she was going to, it was not something Alice should expect.

"I know, but you will!" Bella exhaled in a huff as she put her weight onto her feet. _Woah_, she thought as she stumbled, but managed to regain her balance before she could cause herself any more bodily harm in the form of purple bruises. She had enough of them.

She walked over to Alice, who was still dancing around the room in a way that had begun to look hysterical, and hoped that she looked determined and confident, but probably looking more like a zombie breaking out of its grave.

She grabbed the dress, which was somehow still draped over Alice's arm despite her happy-dance, along with the pair of tights and shoes, making her way to the bathroom without giving a second glance back.

The inside of the bathroom was painted pink, a pink so pale that Bella had sworn it was white until Alice had threatened her with her life to think differently. The rest of the bathroom features were in the same pale 'pink' and shone brightly due to Alice's newfound cleaning compulsion.

There was one window in the room, set near the bath. It faced out front, and you could see the busy campus life rushing past below. On one wall was a long, full-length mirror. There was a small stool to the side of the mirror, and Bella shuddered at the look of it, sure that it would soon be some sort of torture chair, reserved for the welding of makeup products to Bella's face.

She sighed, placing the black tights and the treacherously high shoes down by her feet on the tiled floor. As she pulled the dress up, her eyes caught on to the label of the dress, reading _Juicy Couture._ She smiled; it was easy to say that Alice had not grown with age out of her love for designer labels.

She pulled the dress up and over her head, glad that there was no zipper, and looked at herself in the mirror. She made sure to avert her eyes from her face, as the dark patches that had rested under her eyes for years, never ceased to make her flinch away from the mirror.

The dress really was very pretty. The top half was a black and sleeveless, but not too low, with a rounded neckline. The material tightened at the waist with an embroidered waistband. The skirt underneath the band was a brilliant white that cascaded like a waterfall down to about her mid-thigh.

She was glad that Alice had supplied the tights. She had, thankfully, remembered her insecurities, and had thought to skim around them rather to face them and futilely try to force her into tight, skimpy clothes that, needless to say, did not leave much to the imagination. She sat on the edge of the bath and began pulling the black tights up her legs. She then pulled the shoes across the floor, so that they were closer to her, and her stomach flipped as she inserted her feet into them. She stood up, feeling the extra height, and gripped onto the shower curtain at her side until she was sure she'd regained her balance.

She looked back up into the mirror, seeing the affect the heels had on her legs. They elongated them so that her calves did not stick out in the way that she was used to seeing them, and instead appeared long and elegant as they joined her thigh via her knee.

Begrudgingly she looked up into her face, shrinking back at the hard expression her eyes gave and the look of her bed hair atop her head. She reached beside the sink where there was a brush and drew it through her hair, running into so many knots that, by the end of the activity, her arm ached from the exertion. She flipped her hair back and ran her fingers through the long strands, bunching it together at the back of her head. She pulled the band she had loosely circling her wrist around her hair, so that it was tied into a tight ponytail at the back of her head, giving her face a minor lift.

She brushed her fingers through the short layers near her face, knowing that they were only feigning to be tied up with the rest of her hair, and were really only waiting until her back was turned to the mirror to fall lankly into her face. No paragraph.

She stepped closer to the mirror, pulling her hand up level with her face and rubbing underneath her eye with her index finger, as if she could rub the shadows away. She sighed, knowing fully well that there was no way she would be able to face the public looking as if she hadn't slept in the last millennia. No paragraph.

She reached out toward Alice's make up back, unzipping it and sifting through it, trying to find something that looked at all familiar. She was lost.

"Alice?" she called out, knowing that she would definitely be regretting her decision later.

"Yes, Bella?" she said, standing in the door way in a soft pink dress, looking eagerly at her. Her expression was cheeky, sure of what was to come. The top of her dress ruffled at her chest, tightening at her waist with a matching waist band. The skirt of the dress was colored the same pink, and fell just above her knees. Around her wrist was a beaded bracelet colored in a metallic silver, and on her feet she wore some peep-toe heels in a soft gold.

"Could you do my makeup for me, Alice?" she asked quickly, her voice so low that it was barely more than a whisper, but she was sure that Alice heard it.

"Sorry, Bella, I didn't quite catch that," she said, pulling a hand up to cup her ear, a smile widening on her face.

"Could you, please, do my makeup for me, Alice?" Bella repeated, knowing that, as soon as she had uttered those words, she'd given herself over to the dark side – or Alice, either way.

She was right to have regretted her decision. As Alice sat her down on the wooden stool, Bella's suspicions came true about the times it would bring. First, she pulled her hair out from its ponytail, ignoring Bella's efforts to explain to her that she'd only asked for her to do her makeup. She put some heated rollers into the lank brown strands and, as she waited for them to appropriately curl her hair, she started on Bella's makeup.

By the time she had finished, she'd used five different products on Bella's face, though Bella was sure that she'd used almost twice as more on her eyes. As Bella looked into the mirror, she could no longer see the dark bags from sleepless nights that had hung there, and her face looked, overall, more awake.

Alice pulled the cooled rollers gently out of her hair. Large, bounding curls cascaded to just past her shoulders, taking a couple of inches off the length. She pulled back the hair into a ponytail, pulling it tight so that her hair seemed straight until it was set free after the hair tie. She pulled the now curled, stubborn strands of hair out so that they framed Bella's face.

She'd tied Bella's hair up higher than Bella originally had, and her hair only reached down to the nape of her neck, tickling the skin there whenever she moved her head. Though she had been sitting there for just under an hour, she had to admit that Alice had done a good job. Bella stood up, strangely enough not falling, and embraced her best friend, happy that she could, squeezing her petite form.

"Thanks, Alice; you're the best," she said, a grateful smile on her face.

"I really am, aren't I?" Alice replied playfully. "Come on, now, or we're going to be late." She pulled Bella by her wrist back out into the main room and to a small side table beside door that led into the hallway. "I bet she'll be here any minute," she muttered to herself, wordlessly placing a silver metallic clutch into Bella's hand along with a beautiful diamond encrusted cuff bracelet.

"Okay, so I didn't tell you before, Bella. But, we're going to the restaurant Emmett works at." Bella's expression was one of shock.

"You didn't tell me he came to UO!" Her face broke into a beaming smile. She'd missed Emmett more than she'd thought she would have, and he still had no idea how his music had gotten her through those last eight years. She loved how it'd drowned out the world around her. It had made her reality so much better to live through.

"Didn't I? Well, anyways, I didn't tell him we were going to be there. I mean, Bella, he doesn't even know you're my roommate! He's going to love the surprise! I can just tell." Alice's smile answered Bella's. The voices were in the back of her mind, not even _trying_ to permeate her happiness in that moment.

Just then there was a loud knock on the door. "That'll be her!" Alice spoke excitedly. She put her own bag (the same golden color as her shoes) under one arm, as she used one hand to pull across the latch, and the other to turn the door knob. She pulled the door open widely and immediately stepped forward into the doorframe as the person on the other side did the same.

Alice's friend wore a bright red dress with a scoop neck that complimented her long neck. The dress ruffled down to the waist band, which was embroidered with a golden silk. The skirt of her dress flowed down until it was mid-thigh length, like Bella's, and ruffled down in the same way that the upper-half did. The bottom of the skirt had small circular patterns on a thinner red material. On her wrist was a thick golden bracelet that matched the gold on her dress, and in one hand she held a shiny black clutch that matched her black platform stiletto shoes, in which of course she could walk perfectly. And Bella knew this for certain for one core reason.

They embraced, kissing each other's cheeks. "Rose!" Alice said excitedly. She had continued to speak, but Bella no longer heard any more of her words, as the one person she truly hated, or more apt was hated by, stood exchanging pleasantries with the girl who had been her best friend since she was ten-years-old.

Rosalie Hale would ruin her; there seemed to be no way around it.

* * *

I may have gotten a little carried away with the dresses in that scene... they were real beautiful though; I've got pictures.

Yeep!

I made that playlist that I was talking about in the last chapter and the link's gonna be on my profile in a minute or two.

And, also, here's a link to Support Stacie. It's a place where authors sign up and others bid for them to write a fanfiction story just for them, and it all goes toward these funds for a girl called Stacie who got many forms of cancer and no insurance, and needs our help. The biddings are now open.... So go vote! (Link also gonna be on my profile in a minute).

Well, I hoped you liked it :)


	8. Dragging Herself through Hell and Back

**Summary: **_Isabella Swan had a tragic and abusive childhood. Everyone knew it. But not everyone knew of the bronze haired boy who visited her in her dreams. He was the only one who knew the true Bella. But Edward wasn't real, was he?_

**_Disclaimer:_**_ All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the authors. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended._

**Twilighted Beta: Twilightzoner **

* * *

Rose pulled herself away from Alice with her lips curled up into a smile around her pearly white teeth.

"So, who's this new roommate of yo-" She stopped mid-sentence as her icy blue eyes locked on Bella's shocked brown ones. She raked them up and down Bella's body, making her feel more and more self-conscious with every bat of her long eyelashes.

"Oh, sorry, this is Bella. Rose, Bella. Bella, Rose." As she introduced the girls to one another, she held her arm out to indicate who was who. There was a short silence. The tension was palpable, though Alice still didn't seem to grasp it.

"We've already met," Rosalie said, trying to keep the acid out of her voice.

"You have?" Alice's eyebrows pulled together in confusion. She had no idea how the two could've possibly met before.

"Rosalie's my cousin," Bella said, cluing Alice into the situation.

Alice's eyes widened instantaneously, and her mouth pulled into a grin that seemed too big for her small pixie-like face. "This is great! Rose, you _have_ to tell me what Bella's been like for the last eight years." She turned her smiling face to Rosalie, her eyes full of excitement. Rose's eyes flickered to Bella's, and Bella could see the visible threat that they held, but silently hoped that she wouldn't say anything too unforgivable.

"Sure!" Rosalie said, trying to mimic Alice's enthusiasm. Thankfully, Bella was the only on who could see through Rose's façade.

"Come on, then!" Alice said, tilting her head in the direction of the door with both her hands clasped around the upper arms of her two friends, silently indicating they should follow her out the door. She let go of them and started walking. Once she'd seen that they were following her, she continued her walk out. On the way out, Bella pulled the door back behind her, locking it carefully with her new key.

She flinched as she heard a sugary voice speak close to her ear, way too sweet to be sincere. "Listen here, _Bella_." Bella could almost hear the sneer in her cousin's voice as she spoke her name. "You're not going to blow this for me, hear that? This Alice kid has connections, and if you tell her _anything_, you're life is going to get so fucking screwed in this little 'haven' college of yours that you'll be begging for the last eight years. Remember, I have the power to make her turn on you. I have the power to make _everyone_ turn on you. Got it?"

Bella wasn't one-hundred percent sure of the truth in Rosalie's implications, but she couldn't deny that she was afraid of the tall, intimidating girl, and didn't want to test her limitations, so nodded.

"Good."

"Bella, Rose? What are you guys doing?" Alice was standing at the end of the hallway, her hands on her narrow hips and her face contorted into one of confusion.

"Oh, I just had to tell Bella something," Rosalie said, her face quickly returning back to her friendly demeanor.

"Oh, okay." Alice smiled, waiting for the two other girls to catch up to her. As they reached her, she turned on her heel, chatting enthusiastically to the both of them as they made their way towards the elevator. The doors creaked slowly open, and Alice skipped over to the many buttons on the wall, pressing the one that was labeled 'G' for the ground floor.

The walk to the restaurant wasn't a long one. just a couple of blocks. The restaurant was very posh, and each of the tables was covered with a pristine white tablecloth, wine glasses placed neatly atop them. In each place was a crimson red napkin folded intricately to resemble a swan.

If Bella didn't know any better, she'd assume they were at a wedding reception; everything was so ornate. It always struck her as absurd how things were presented in a restaurant. After all, it was really only a place for eating, and how the room looked made no difference to the taste of the meal.

"A table for three, please," Alice said to the man behind the podium. He wore an immaculate tuxedo and had cropped black hair with a thin layer of stubble covering his jaw; he looked Italian.

"Of course, ladies, follow me, please." His accent proved Bella's suspicions right, and they followed after him to one of the many identical tables, though theirs was larger than the more frequent tables for two, and able to seat four if needs be. Bella thanked him softly for the table as they sat in their places, though she'd always been a quiet girl and she doubted that he'd heard her.

Alice sat next to Bella, and Rosalie sat across from the petite girl. Alice's fast talking had turned into an incomprehensible babble to Bella, but Rosalie seemed to be able to keep up with her, smiling and nodding at certain things Alice said in the one-sided conversation. Bella lifted her menu, looking at all the confusing and foreign dishes the restaurant had to offer. The talking suddenly stopped, to be replaced by soft moans as Alice read through the mouth-watering descriptions of each dish on the menu in her hands.

Bella quickly decided what she wanted, not really caring either way. She'd come more for the company than the meal -- and though she sorely regretted the decision, she'd never admit that to Alice – so she looked around the room. Really, it was very elegant. There were several huge Victorian windows in both the front and back walls, the front showing onto the wet concrete sidewalk and road, and the back giving a view of a small garden containing plentiful greenery with a fountain in the middle.

Over the windows were long floor-length curtains in the same crimson red as the napkins. They were tied by golden ropes in a simple knot that looked too plain in comparison to the rest of the room, the gold reflecting the orange light from the dimmed spotlights and candles. The two others had finished reading the menus and returned to their conversation.

It seemed as if Alice had finally met the shopping partner of her dreams; designers and labels were being tossed around left, right, and center.

"Hey, guys, I'm just gonna pop to the ladies' room, okay?" Bella said, her thumb pointing over her shoulder and to the bathroom.

"Kay, sure," Alice said, quickly resuming her conversation. Bella felt very much like the third wheel and battled the surge of jealously she felt . Instead of heading to the bathroom as she'd said, she turned to go outside. _It's not as if they'd notice, anyways,_ Bella thought bitingly.

As she stepped out into the humid air, hoping to hell that her hair wouldn't frizz – an indication that she hadn't really gone to the bathroom – she pulled out her phone, flipping the screen over and watching it light up as she pressed down on the red button. It took a few minutes to load, an infuriatingly long time, but soon she could operate the buttons without the "please insert SIM" message that usually appeared when she rushed the ancient technology. _I should really get a new phone,_ she thought.

She went onto her 'messages' folder, and opened a new message, quickly typing a message to Jasper.

_Jas, please come rescue me._

It was short, and she hoped that he wouldn't question it; she didn't have much time before she'd have to go back to order her meal. It was only a few seconds before her phone vibrated in her hand, shocking her slightly, and she flipped the screen open again, reading the message.

_Why do you need rescuing?_

Fate must hate her. She hoped for one thing, and it deliberately did the opposite. She hurriedly typed her reply.

_Alice's 'friend' was Rosalie, and I don't think I can stand it anymore._

He texted back almost instantly.

_I'm on my way._

Bella slid her phone back into her pocket, tapping her foot impatiently against the sidewalk, hoping that his presence would stop her from feeling so left out.

"Bella?" she heard a voice call from down the street, she turned her head in response and smiled as Jasper's body ran towards her. As he reached her, she could see that he was visibly out of breath and panting deeply.

"You know, Jas, you didn't have to _run."_

"Well the term 'rescue' goes under the 'emergency' listing in my books," he said, slightly irritated after hurrying all the way from his dorm half a mile away from the restaurant.

"I'm sorry, Jasper," Bella could see the annoyance in his expression, "I'm just glad you're here." She squeezed him around the waist, atoning for making him mad.

"S'okay," he said, tapping her head comfortingly.

"Bella?" Alice's soprano voice called out from the restaurant door.

Bella pulled away from Jasper before she spoke, "Alice, over here." Alice made her way over to them, confused at the sudden appearance of the tall, blond, good-looking man at Bella's side. Bella quickly explained. "Al, this is Rosalie's brother, Jasper. I invited him tonight, but he said he couldn't come. Turns out he can, after all," she lied quickly.

"Oh," Alice said, smiling at the realization that Bella was related to this very good looking man. When she thought about it, he did look quite similar to Rose. "Nice to meet you, Jasper. Come sit with us."

Both Bella and Jasper followed her in back to their table. Jasper's eyes darted around the room, taking in all the details as Bella's had. Though he was used to grand luxuries, he wasn't the type to brag about it. He _knew_ that he was a lot better off than many people and counted himself as lucky. He took in his surroundings generously, as if he were a beggar and not some millionaire surgeon's son.

"Emmett!" Alice exclaimed, and she rushed forward. Emmett turned his head, opening out his arms to welcome her to his embrace. It didn't go past anyone's notice how close he had been to Rosalie. In fact, if you looked intently at her face, you could see a soft blush underneath her layers of foundation.

Emmett picked Alice up in his arms, so her legs were dangling several feet over the floor. She grinned at him as he did the same, his eyes full of surprise and happiness at their reunion.

"Emmett," she said as he put her back down on her feet. She held out her arm behind her, indicating Bella as she spoke, "Bella Swan." The look of surprise on his face amplified hugely, and he immediately, as if it was not a conscious decision, ran towards Bella, scooping her up into his arms as he had done to Alice, twirling her around in circles.

"Emmett… can't… breathe…" Bella managed to get out, and Emmett, realizing her problem, put her back down on her feet. She stood back, trying to regain her balance and her breath, but in doing so, fell backward, only to be caught by Emmett's strong capable arms.

"Still got balance issues, I see," he said cheekily, grinning widely at her and chuckling softly.

"So, guys, shall we sit?" Alice said, breaking up the moment.

"Sure. You know what? My shift ends in five minutes. I'll be back then," Emmett told them, turning back to the bar to finish his work.

Rosalie directed one questioning look at Jasper, but didn't voice her thoughts. Emmett returned to the table a few minutes later, and the whole group immediately immersed themselves in conversation. Well, Alice, Jasper, Rosalie and Emmett did. Alice hadn't seemed to have gotten over the fact that Jasper was Bella's cousin and was officially one-hundred percent obsessed with him, already. She seemed to want his opinion on every single topic she brought up, and he humored her wishes.

Emmett and Rosalie were a whole other thing altogether. Rosalie was shamelessly flirting with Emmett, and he seemed to oblige her, leaning in towards her throughout the meal and whispering things in her ear that the rest of the table couldn't hear -- things that made her blush.

It seemed a little strange to Bella that Rosalie would have a large lunch when she knew that they would be going out for dinner that evening, as she claimed, but she didn't question her as Rosalie dug into her salad. She wouldn't dare question her.

Their two separate conversations continued on throughout their meals. Bella felt more and more left out by each word that was uttered by the others. She felt like she was intruding on a double-date, rather than this being a group meal. She flipped open her phone distractedly. The time read 8:23.

"Are you okay, Bella?" Alice's voiced, perhaps finally catching onto Bella's visible discomfort.

"Actually, I think I'm coming down with something," Bella said.

"Oh, do you want me to come with you?" Worry was etched into Alice's face, her forehead crumpled.

"No, it's okay. I'll head off by myself."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I just need a good night's sleep." Bella plastered on a hint of a smile, the corner of her mouth pulling up to try and reassure her friend.

"Okay…if that's what you want…" Alice said, analyzing Bella, looking for signs that she was lying to her so that Alice could stay and enjoy herself. She was, but Bella was good at lying. She needed to be.

"Yeah, thanks. I'll see you tomorrow, Alice."

The group uttered different farewells to her as she waved to them, headed toward the front of the restaurant and out the door. Keeping in mind that they could see her through the windows that lead out to the street, she kept up her contented pretense as she walked past them, only letting her guard down when she crossed to road to the next block.

When she got back, she twisted her key in the lock, turning the handle around and opening the door into the room. She froze as she realized that the light was on, and she froze even more when she lifted her gaze to who was standing in her and Alice's room.

She almost didn't recognize her, but when she did, her mouth pulled into a wide grin at the woman.

"Bella?" her voice asked incredulously in shock.

"Yes, it's me," Bella said, as the visitor walked forward and wrapped her arms around Bella, pulling her head to her shoulder. Bella's sobs started as soon as she made contact; she couldn't help herself.

She cried of both happiness and sadness. "Shhh, Bella. It's okay…" Esme whispered into her ear. "Shhh…" she repeated when Bella's crying didn't cease. "It's going to be okay."

---

"Who does Rosalie _fucking_ Hale think she is? She can't just go around screwing up my fucking life. You know what? I'm not going to take her shit anymore! I'm sick and _tired_ of the way that she's treated me, and she's not going to get away with it anymore." Bella finished her rant slightly out of breath.

Edward stayed silent as she spoke; he'd never seen Bella this angry before. And, as she stopped pacing a path in front of him, he admittedly felt even a little scared of her, but also proud as he saw the girl he'd known for his whole life stand up to the one who'd traumatized her for the last eight years. There was also a part of him that, what? _Liked_ her anger? He didn't understand that part of him though, and pushed all thoughts of _liking_ it away from him.

"But, Esme's back. That's a good thing, right?" He spoke cautiously, not wanting to set her off again.

"Yes, that's a good thing." She fell to the grass, crossing her legs in front of her, taking deep breaths to try and calm down. Once calm, she looked up from where her eyes had been fixed on her agitated hands.

"It's a good thing," she agreed, crawling the couple of feet to Edward on her hands and knees, who was sitting up against their tree, and placed her head in his lap, looking down the hill to the lake.

"Beautiful," she said, all thoughts of Rosalie Hale down the drain.

"Yes." Edward begrudgingly pulled his gaze from Bella's face and to the scene in front of him.

_Beautiful, yes, _he thought to himself, _but _nothing_ in comparison._

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Thank you to PurpleDragonfly74 for helping me with this chapter and the chapter before :-) Check out All That You Can't Leave Behind by her -

http://www[dot]twilighted[dot]net/viewstory[dot]php?sid=3480

Please don't hate Alice; she's ignorant to how this affects Bella.

There are other relationships in this story. I was wondering you guys' opinions on where I make them into separate stories, or slot them into here; I don't want you to all hate me cause there's so much JxA in a BxE story, for instance.

Keep in mind that you'd have to favorite/alert them all, and they'd only be two-shots or maybe even oneshots. I've almost already made up my mind to slot them into here, but I thought I'd ask for your opinions before I just went ahead and did it incase you all thought completely differently.

Also, I'm going to say that I'll try and update this story fortnightly instead of weekly, as I keep getting behind and I hate disappointing people and apologizing over and over.

And, Padme1899 opened a thread for this story. It's pretty barren at the moment, but I thought that you guys could liven it up a little :-) There's a link on my profile.

Somebody asked for the link to see the dresses. If you want the link to the dresses, then just review and I'll send it in the reply. I don't think it's special enough to put on my profile - I hate those ones where you have to scroll for miles to get to the bottom - so I'll only give it to people who ask.


	9. Gift or Curse?

**Summary: **_Isabella Swan had a tragic and abusive childhood. Everyone knew it. But not everyone knew of the bronze haired boy who visited her in her dreams. He was the only one who knew the true Bella. But Edward wasn't real, was he?_

**_Disclaimer:_**_ All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the authors. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended._

**Twilighted Beta: Twilightzoner **

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"Bella?" Jasper called through the seemingly empty rooms. It was early evening and all the lights were switched off, bathing the front room in darkness except for a sliver of moonlight escaping from underneath the drapes. When he'd knocked on the door there had been no answer but, instead of turning on his heel like any normal person would have, he felt a sudden curiosity to try the doorknob. The door had fallen open and, knowing that Bella was too responsible to leave the door unlocked or let Alice forget to secure it, he'd concluded that one of the two must be inside.

"Bella?" he called out again. He fumbled for the light switched and, once finding it, couldn't restrain a smile spreading across his face at the utter contrast of the room.

Whereas one side of it was covered all in bright colors, seeming to emanate their own light, the other seemed bland in comparison. The side that must've been Bella's was all neutral: creams, blues, and greens adorned the furniture. Alice's side was almost painful to look at after resting your eyes on Bella's for too long.

Remembering his purpose, his hand tightened around the keys in his pocket. He had found them on the floor beside Bella's chair the night before; they must've fallen out her purse when he was fumbling for her cell. He would've given them to Alice, but, once they'd revealed themselves, she had already left. He hadn't felt like running through the streets after her, and so decided to come and deliver them the following morning. Getting caught up in classes and other responsibilities, his visit had been delayed, which is how he found himself in the girls' seemingly empty dorm.

He didn't really mind the inconvenience; he'd been trying to find an excuse to see how his cousin was settling in, anyway, and there had been something about Alice that had enraptured him the night before. Bella was a strong character – something told him that she'd be able to survive through just about anything – but there was also a side of her that he only saw when she thought she was alone, when her guard was let down. Bella was vulnerable.

He knew that, though she was a pro at keeping together a tough exterior, even hers couldn't be completely invincible.

"Alice?" he called, thinking that perhaps it wasn't Bella in the apartment. He made his way across the small hallway to just outside the bathroom where a light was streaming out from underneath the door.

"Bella?" a voice spoke from within.

"No, Alice, it's Jasper."

"Bella?!" The voice was suddenly frantic, and Jasper was sure that she'd have realized that it wasn't Bella outside the door right now if there wasn't a problem.

"Alice, are you okay?" he asked, his hand twitching toward the doorknob. He had a very bad feeling about this.

"Bella!" Alice's voice was no longer asking, it sounded more like a demand. Jasper wasted no time in deliberating. The hand which had already been about to open the door did so without him even realizing. The light was unleashed into the hallway and his eyes squinted to adjust.

He strode into the room and immediately saw her curled into the fetal position on the ground to his right. It looked as if she'd just come out of the shower. A towel was scrunched up underneath her figure and trembles were shaking up her spine.

"Alice!" he called out, trying to evoke _some_ type of response. He kneeled down next to her, cautiously placing one of his hands on her quivering back. Her head was tucked into her knees and, from closer observation, he could see that silent sobs were shaking her.

"Stop!" He stilled his hand from rubbing circles into her skin, thinking that it must be something he was doing. "Stop!" she shrieked again, and he removed his hand completely, feeling suddenly helpless. But, as he just stayed motionless by her side, she screamed the word out once again, and he knew it couldn't be him.

"Stop what, Alice? Stop what?" His voice was raised as if he thought that somehow by speaking louder, he would get her to respond.

"Stop them!" Both his hands returned to her back, rubbing larger circles, trying to bring her back from whatever was troubling her so badly. Her sobs suddenly became vocalized and the sound of her crying made his heart clench. In the next moment she was sitting up and he had crushed her to him, rocking them both softly to-and-fro.

"Shhh, Alice, shhh," he pleaded with her, his voice cracking at seeing another human being like that. He could feel his shirt dampening from her tears, but it only made him hold her tighter to him.

"Stop them…"

He almost couldn't hear her voice, it was quieter than before and muffled against him. "Stop who?" he spoke closer to her ear, his voice rough with emotion. He didn't expect an answer; she'd given no sign that she'd even noticed he was there.

"The voices," she said even more quietly than before. He was at a loss for how to help her, but decided to go with his gut.

Jasper's hand ran up and down her bare back in earnest, futilely trying to stop the violent convulsions rocking through her body. Words of comfort escaped through his lips to no avail. He pulled her tighter to his chest, her briny tears soaking through his shirt. He felt an immense sorrow for the girl in his arms, the girl he hardly knew, but still felt some connection toward. And, with each of her agonized sobs, his heart clenched just a little more painfully.

"Come on, Alice," he muttered, though he doubted she heard him. The hand holding her head to him clenched around her wet strands of her hair, intertwining them in between his fingers. "Please."

He could feel an aching sadness, and some part of him was surprised when he felt wetness around his own eyes, but for the most part he was too concentrated on the girl in his arms to feel anything but anguish. _She's so small_, he thought. Her frame was almost half the side of his.

"Jasper?" Her voice cracked through his name, but he barely noticed. It was some kind of response. He had started to think that she would be trapped in that state. He'd felt so helpless.

"Yes, Alice, It's me, Jasper," he said hurriedly. A painful surge of relief struck him in the chest and his heart throbbed.

"Stop them…" she spoke, barely in a whisper. He almost asked, "Stop what?" again, forgetting about the previous time he'd asked, but it came to him almost immediately

"How do I stop them, Alice, how?" He pulled her face up from his chest, cupping it with his hands. He ran his thumbs over her cheekbones as he stared into her shut eyes, willing them to open. He pulled one hand away, and raised it to pull her hair out of her face, but then she sensed some movement.

It was her arm, tremors still running through it. She raised it to his hand, willing it across her forehead and to her temple. He understood what she was trying to do, and in response, hesitantly lifted his other hand to mirror the other.

"Cold…" she muttered, but it was more to herself.

They stayed like that for a long moment – it could've been hours – he had no way of knowing. His eyes floated over every contour of her face, up from her dimpled chin, to her presently clenched but plump lips. Her nose curved upward towards the tip and was dotted sporadically in light freckles.

Her eyes suddenly seemed like the greatest mystery, and he wanted more than anything for them to reveal her secrets to him. "Jasper?" she said in that same strained whisper.

"Yes?" his eyes still memorizing her face.

"Thank you." Her eyes opened gradually, and though they were bloodshot from her crying, he couldn't help but be mesmerized by their black intensity, almost the exact color of her hair.

"It's okay," he said in a tired voice, not wanting to discuss what had just happened. Cautiously, he pressed his lips against her forehead, and she leaned into the gesture, letting out a contented sigh.

"Could you…" she led off, averting her gaze as he pulled away to see her face.

"Could I, what?" he asked, curiosity plain in his expression.

"It's kinda stupid… but… could you take me to bed? It's just that I'm so exhausted and–" But she was stopped from being able to continue as Jasper pressed his hand over her lips. Realizing that the other was still pressed against her temple, he lowered it into his lap. He was unsure, but he thought he saw her wince. It was gone in a second, so he couldn't be certain.

Her eyes turned to his, and in her gaze it came clear to him that he'd never be able to deny her anything.

"Of course," he said. He stood up, grabbing a dry towel from close by. Her face flushed softly, and he restrained a smile as she realized her nakedness. He covered her with it, before putting one arm under her knees and one behind her back, pulling her into his arms as if she weighed little more than a feather.

She rested her head against his shoulder and, even though it was only a couple of yards from the bathroom to her bed, her eyes were drooping by the time he rested her down. Drawing the comforter over her limp form, he heard her breathing even out. He bent down over her and pressed his lips against her forehead as he had done earlier, and whispered, "Goodnight, Alice," as he drew back.

She gave some sort of mumbled, incomprehensible response that he could barely hear. He stayed for a moment, watching the peaceful expression on her face before turning toward the door. Putting his hand in his pocket, he once again remembered the keys and placed them on a table close to the door on his way out.

He looked over his shoulder as he was closing the door, catching one last glimpse of her before his view of the room was replaced with the peeling paint of a wooden door.

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Hey, I apologize for being so long. Three-and-a-half months. I'm sorry *ducks*.

I hope you liked that chapter. There wasn't any ExB, but I've been imagining it for a long while, which is why it probably took so long to write because I didn't want to mess it up. I was literally writing it a word at a time… more like a word a day, now I come to think about it.

I'd like to give a little shoutout to a story I beta for. It's called Tangled and it's by . It's hardly gotten any attention, and I'm just enraptured by it. I jump up and down a little when she sends me a chapter, just because I get to read it first. She's on my favorite authors list and her fic is on my favorite stories list… now go review her…

I recently go Twitter, so if you want to follow my dreary life and occasionally new of chapter updates, then go ahead and follow me :) http://twitter(dot)com/emmettgirl620

I've decided that about halfway through writing each chapter I'm going to post a teaser on the Twilighted thread, so look out for those. The link is on my profile.


	10. Friendship and Forbidden Thoughts

**Summary: **_Isabella Swan had a tragic and abusive childhood. Everyone knew it. But not everyone knew of the bronze haired boy who visited her in her dreams. He was the only one who knew the true Bella. But Edward wasn't real, was he?_

**_Disclaimer:_**_ All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the authors. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended._

**Twilighted Beta: Twilightzoner **

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The gold of fall was running swiftly into the gray of winter, and the ground was littered with hues of vibrant oranges and rusty browns. The determined leaves that remained on the trees looked too delicate, as if even the slightest of winds would blow them from their branches. Waves lapped in a continuous flow at the banks of the lake, being coerced by the vicious northern wind.

The day was predominantly overcast, with only tiny gaps where the clouds thinned to reveal blue, a remembrance of sunny days in June or July. Bella and Edward were sitting underneath their tree as they were found often these days. They no longer felt the childish urge to explore every inch of the meadow as they had when they were younger.

Instead, they retreated to their tree and filled their time with conversation and each other's company, with looks that spoke more than a thousand words. They were huddled together for warmth as close as they could possibly be while being fully clothed. She was sitting sideways on his lap, her head resting on his shoulder, and his hand was rubbing up and down her arm, causing friction.

With each of their exhalations, condensation exited their mouths and warmed the air before it, too, froze. "Why's it so goddamn cold?" Bella spoke more the elements to the man by her side.

"It's November," Edward answered nonetheless.

"I know that, stoopid. But, it's never really the same here, is it? It could be January out there, but still ninety degrees in here."

"Well, maybe they're cooperating for once."

"Hmmm…" she murmured noncommittally, snuggling closer into him.

They sat for an immeasurable amount of time. Bella was so close to him that her body moved up and down with each of his breaths. She looked up at his jaw, for lack of anything interesting to grasp her attention, and observed the layer of stubble that he'd accumulated over the last several years. She liked it when occasionally it would scrape across her skin when they changed position.

Sensing her gaze, he looked down at her, his eyes connecting immediately with hers. There was curiosity in his gaze, but Bella didn't question it. There always seemed to be some million dollar question floating around his brain, usually something philosophical. She hated philosophy with a passion. She hated the way it made them question everything around them. It made her feel uncertain and vulnerable, yet irritated, as if the world around them wasn't what it appeared to be. She couldn't recall one moment in her life where she'd willingly swallow the red pill.

She usually shut him up with some physical altercation – usually a strike to the back of his head or a shove in his chest. He knew that she disliked his questioning – though he had no idea why – and didn't tend to press her further after she'd indicated that she wanted him to stop.

"What's your favorite color today?" he asked her at random.

"Green," she answered without thinking. His eyes really were the most beautiful hypnotic green she'd ever seen. The ring of black surrounding them was symbolic somehow. She felt that no matter what happened in the outside world, he'd always be here for her, his arms held wide open, for the rest of… time, she guessed. The color encased inside them was vibrant, like emerald – she'd never seen anyone's eyes who could come remotely close to the color enveloped in his – with a pattern that Bella couldn't help but associate with the hue a pine forest dancing on top.

"Green?" He raised an eyebrow in question.

"Mmmhmmm…" She nuzzled her face further into his neck and their eye contact was broken. She knew that her eyes were so transparent they were almost invisible – a window into her thoughts and feelings. They were silent for a while, the only sound each heard was the inhalation and exhalation of the other and the rustling of the meadows grass in the wind.

"So… why green?" he asked after the pause. Bella's favorite color always revolved around something.

"Why not green?" Bella rebuked. "Green is a wonderful color. It represents vibrancy and life, nature…" Her words trailed off.

"Right." Laughter hung in his voice, his lips stretched into a smile. Speaking of those kinds of things was so _not_ Bella it was actually laughable.

"I've been thinking of cutting my hair…" she said after a moment. His hand moved from her arm to the brown curls tumbling down her back. "Alice says I should get something that frames my face better. She says–"

"Don't." He cut her off. His voice was strong, full of finality.

"What…? Why?"

He grabbed a handful of the curls, marveling at the softness between his fingers. "It's perfect the way it is." She looked back into his face and saw that his forehead was crumpled in thought. His eyes, averted from hers, were gazing distractedly at the lake below them.

She raised a hand to his forehead, straightening out the lines. "What are you thinking?" she questioned, moving her hand to the nape of his neck and massaging his scalp; she knew it was something that calmed him.

"I… no, never mind…" he ended cryptically.

"Come on… tell me!" There was even a little whine in her voice – not at all like her, more like Alice.

"I… I don't even know, Bella, 'kay?"

"Okay." She wished to press him, but she was certain that he would never hide anything from her. She would just have to assume he was telling the truth.

He disposed of his thoughts and the playfulness returned – if only halfheartedly – to his eyes, a grin stretching across his face. He released her hair, still clenched in his hand, and smoothed it down her back, his hand coming to rest at her waist.

"So, how's that Alice been, eh?" he said conversationally.

"Ugh! She's a nightmare!" Edward laughed at the horrorstruck expression on her face. She took a hold of the hair swimming around her fingers and pulled harshly.

"Ow!" His hand came up to rub his scalp.

"You think I'm joking!" She sounded exasperated, and Edward knew he was in for a treat.

"What's she done now?" he asked in a singsong voice.

"Well, not only has she taken to dressing me head-to-toe every single day, and spends so much time dragging me around the mall that I'm thinking that we should just pitch a tent and save the hassle of traveling, but now I swear Jasper's at our apartment more than _I_ am. Even when she's not at home he's there, either waiting for her return or for me so he can grill me about the state of her mental health! I mean, I know he's studying psychology and all, but you'd think he'd find someone else he can interrogate. I mean, there's like a _gajillion_ kids on campus…"

"But, you like Jasper, right?"

"Yeah, of course I do. He's like a brother to me."

"Then, what's the problem?"

"Well, there are certain things that a brother _never_ has to see about her sister." Her answer was way too cryptic for his liking, and he scowled in confusion.

"Like what?"

"Like her coming out the shower, for instance." His grip around her tightened, but she was too lost amidst her tirade to notice. "And then there was the time when I was yelling around for Alice, asking her if she had a tampon." She bowed her head in shame, shaking it side to side.

There was only stillness for a moment, the awkwardness surrounding them like a bubble that the both of them wanted to pop. Edward resumed rubbing up and down her arm and she continued.

"Of course, I love Alice, even with all the baggage that comes along with her." Her voice was more mellow than it had been before, and she swallowed heavily. "She's all I've got."

"Hey," he said in an attempt to cheer her up, "that's not true. You've got Esme, you've got Jasper – even if he has turned a little overbearing as of late… and you have me. You'll always have me." Bella suddenly felt an overwhelming sense of comfort. It felt like… home.

"Yes, I do have them, and especially you." She smiled up at him, glistening tears but a shadow, her actions speaking of how much she appreciated his words. She hugged him tightly to her, expressing all the gratitude that she possibly could give in that one gesture.

She slowly released the pressure of her arms around him, and he kissed her temple chastely before tucking her head under his chin. He closed his eyes to the scent of dew and some flower her couldn't put a name to, the scent of her.

She heard his breathing slow and even out underneath her andshe, too, closed her eyes, concentrating on the warmth of his body in contrast to the chilly wind whipping around them, instead of her curiosity at his attitude earlier.

He was right, what he said before. She did have him, and she never appreciated it enough, the one constant in her life. She loved him. He was the greatest friend Bella could ever wish for. He understood her perfectly, even if it was annoying sometimes when he could just guess her thoughts, no matter how embarrassing they were.

She knew him better than she knew herself, but she guessed that wasn't saying much; she'd never met anybody more uncertain about themselves than she was. But Edward gave her some reason not to believe all the words that came from Rosalie's plump lips. When Edward and she were together, it was as if she was the most important woman in the world – no, the universe – and nothing or nobody could ever hold his attention more securely.

Somehow, Edward made all of the blows of her past – which attacked her from every angle – less powerful, like he was shielding her from them. The commands of her father… the death of her mother… her separation from Alice and the Cullens… they all seemed so less painful when she thought about them in his presence.

But then there were the other thoughts she had of him, the thoughts that _nobody_ could ever know about, let alone him: the way that she could replay each of their tender moments with perfect clarity before waking up in reality; the way that she could think up his face in an instant; how his laugh was her most favorite sound, his smile her favorite sight.

And those were only the more innocent of her thoughts.

She could imagine his lips… closing in on hers, the warmth and softness of them when they would touch, one held in between two of hers. She could imagine the fire in those pine forest eyes as his hands would ghost down her sides before they would retreat to take a hold of her breasts, squeezing him in his large palms, his thumbs crossing fleetingly across the hardened peaks. She would gasp and press her pelvis into his, seeking friction.

She pushed the thoughts from her head, feeling as if she was violating him somehow by thinking these things with him so close to her. _It can never happen_, she told herself cuttingly. Why could she not just be happy with their relationship as it was.

This relationship was the one good, stable thing in her life, and she wanted to change it. What did that say about her? Rosalie _was_ right. She was all "take, take, take." She brought it on herself. She deserved every ill word used against her.

Instead of the comfort sleep usually brought before she entered reality, she found herself restless, as if she hadn't had even a minute of rest. She rubbed her eyes, trying somehow to eradicate the soreness before looking over at Alice's sleeping form and pushing herself from the bed to go take a shower before her first class of the day.

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I was really proud of myself writing this in less than a week, but then everything went to pieces when my email just decided to stop sending attachments to my beta so… ugh. This was SUPPOSED to have been up real early, so I shall stay smug and pretend the wait hasn't been any longer.

I'm entering again for the Support Stacie Auctions. The auction opens at midnight September 11th and ends 7:00pm on September 14th. So, if you want an outtake or a oneshot or… well, whatever you want… get over there and bid for me :) The link to the site is on my profile.


	11. Revelation and Insight

**Summary: **_Isabella Swan had a tragic and abusive childhood. Everyone knew it. But not everyone knew of the bronze haired boy who visited her in her dreams. He was the only one who knew the true Bella. But Edward wasn't real, was he?_

**_Disclaimer:_**_ All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the authors. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended._

**Beta: Twilightzoner **

MY WINTER HIATUS IS OVER. HERE IS YOUR CHAPTER. *Bows*

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It was the last day of college. Bella could hardly believe that it was here already. It seemed like only yesterday that she'd been a lost freshman, overjoyed at the reunion with her best friend from, what felt like, another lifetime. Though the years leading her there were greatly full of suffering, she wasn't totally sure if she was happy or not to see them behind her, as no one could see the future and no one knew if the years in front of her were going to be any less insufferable than the ones she had left behind. Regardless, tomorrow was the start of a new beginning, starting with her trip to Europe to gain inspiration for a book she was trying to write.

She was to be spending one week in Italy before returning to the States. She wanted to get a feel for the romance that lingered in the air there and of the spices that floated through the wind. All in all, she was excited for the trip, though she felt a little guilty for wishing that her last days of college, the ones which represented all that she had worked for over the last four years, were finished and that she looking forward to her trip over the Atlantic so dearly.

Vampire Weekend, Alice's favorite band, burst through her eardrums, giving her a spring in her step as she climbed the staircase that lead to her dorm. First checking for the lack of sock on the door knob—she had been unfortunate enough to walk in on Alice and her cousin "in the act" not long after they had first got together and since then had been very cautious to not repeat the mistake again—she slid the key into the lock and proceeded to open the door. As she pushed it wide open, a refreshing gust of wind blew over the bare skin of her arms, invigorating her in the recent heat wave that had hit the university.

However, as gooseflesh began to spread across the tops of her arms, she felt along the wall beside the door for the light switch before briskly walking toward the window. Closing it to with a resounding creak, she spotted a flutter of white in her peripheral. She turned quickly to her bed, noticing immediately the startling white of an envelope in contrast to the multicolored rug Alice had insisted upon as an addition to their "bland" dorm room.

She picked it up, perching herself on the edge of her bed, the envelope in her hand reading just one word: Bella. The script was familiar, and she immediately braced herself for the worst, knowing that no good could ever come from a letter to her from Rosalie Hale. She took a deep breath before sliding her index finger through the slit and roughly tearing it open. Unfolding the piece of note paper inside, she was met with more of Rosalie's script, and she closed her eyes tightly for a second before beginning to read. The letter was not addressed to Bella, but instead just ran straight into something that sounded more like a child's fairytale than a formal letter.

_Once upon a time, there was a girl who had everything. She had a caring mother who was always there when she returned home from school, a benevolent father, and a kid brother who loved and adored her. They were rich, living in the town's more privileged neighborhood, and she could have anything she wished for with just a snap of her fingers. But, one day, something went wrong._

_She started to become uninterested in her coveted lifestyle, rebelling against the family who loved her and had cared for her for so long. She'd met a man, a man who had convinced her to run away with him so they could be happy away from high society and judging eyes. The same night, she broke into the family vault, taking whatever she could get her hands on._

_She left but a short, cryptic note, explaining nothing about her whereabouts and just expressing a want to not be searched for, for them not to try to find her. As suspected, this fling or 'marriage' didn't last long, the only output a young girl - you._

_Your mother returned to our grandparents pleading her case that she was sorry and that she never meant to hurt them. They accepted her apology, taking her in their open arms and giving her and you a sanctuary with them. They should've never trusted her. Not after what she'd already done to rip apart our family._

_But, of course, they never expected her to repeat her transgressions. Alas, several months later she left again, you with her along with several hundred-thousand dollars._

_Ten years later, word reached Carlisle that your father was dead and that you had been left with no other relatives than him, Jasper and me. Once again, we were asked to take you in, and my brother and father didn't question it, didn't think it possible that these things traveled genetically, in blood._

_I had sense. I knew you would do the same thing to us as your mother did, just that it would take time._

_This letter isn't an apology. Nor do I ever plan to make one either here or in person, as I am not sorry for the way I distanced myself from you. Some part of me thought that maybe you deserved an explanation. It's probably stupid, but I guess this would be the last chance I would get, as it's unlikely that you will ever choose to visit the family when I'm around._

_Rosalie_

Bella was in shock, her eyes continuing to rake over the words before her over and over, trying to find some hidden meaning that meant something different than the plain words her cousin had given her. She only realized that tears were trailing down her cheeks when they fell onto the paper, blurring the blue font. She tore her head up, taking in a mouthful of air, before tossing the letter onto her bedside table.

She raised her hand, scraping her face aggressively to wipe away her tears. She'd come up here to pack, but as she rested herself over her comforter, she didn't even feel like going to Europe now. She felt like staying in this cramped dorm forever, mulling over her thoughts, bathing in her tears, and watching as the rain pummeled against the windowpanes in a rhythmic melody.

She wanted Alice, though she knew she couldn't call her. Alice had gone on and on about how she and Jasper were having one last date before they moved to Chicago together. Apparently, Jasper had been planning a big night, and Bella couldn't take that from them. She wanted Esme, though she knew she was hours away and she was in no condition to drive and didn't even feel like lifting herself off her bed. She knew she could never ask Esme to drive all this way just to console her.

She wanted Edward. She wanted Edward so much it hurt. Every moment of the day she wished that it was possible for them to be together like a normal couple, instead of only being able to be together in some bizarre other-world that she wasn't even sure existed. She wished that she was Alice and he was Jasper and that their relationship was just as simple as one plus one equals two. She wished that they had bumped into each other on the street, at a coffee shop. She even wished that they might've met at some rowdy college party Alice had dragged her to.

At some point, she realized she had fallen asleep, the sound of a door creaking open awakening her. Instead of moving, she stayed stock-still, listening to Alice as she moved around the room. She heard as she walked up to her bedside table, picking up the letter that had caused her so much grief in the last couple of hours. _Couple of hours?_ she asked herself. She had no idea how long it had been. In fact, judging by Alice's presence, it must be at least the early hours of the morning.

"Bella?" she called softly in a voice that wouldn't have awoken Bella had she been asleep. She didn't feel like talking to her at that moment, discussing the words that Alice had found, so she stayed silent as Alice waited for a response. When none came, she heard the rustle of fabric as Alice bent over her, pressing a kiss to her hair-covered temple before retreating to turn off the light. Immersed in darkness, Bella fell comfortably back into slumber and into the arms she had been craving her whole life.

###

Almost since the moment he had been born, Edward had always acted older than his age. He'd never joked around like the other children did, preferring to sit on a bench with the adults and watch the other kids his age in the park instead of playing with them whenever his parents had taken him as a child. His expression was always one of thoughtfulness, or maybe it was just emptiness, indifference to the world around him.

Elizabeth and Edward Sr. had taken him to a psychiatrist to begin with, and Edward had been given innumerable medications over the years for many different disorders, though none of them ever helped him stray from this… detachment he seemed to harbor. They brought other side-effects to his psyche, sure—ones of violence or anxiety—but they never solved the problem at hand.

There were times when the symptoms he was showing could be nothing else but grief at the loss of another person, but Edward and Elizabeth always dismissed the diagnosis. Who could he have lost? He had never been close to anybody, not even them.

His only passion was music. Other than that, everything he seemed to do was just an obligation. He never truly enjoyed anything else. There had been a stage when Edward was about ten years old when his parents had put him through all sorts of courses and classes at the suggestion of his therapist, trying to help him find _some activity_ to vent his frustrations or whatever it was he was hiding. Music was the only output of their efforts, but it was something.

His fascination with music was more concentrated than any other hobby or interest shown by children his age and rarely even other adults. It was as though he poured all his passion into this one pastime, making it all the more powerful. He was naturally talented, and from the time he was eleven, it was hard to have a moment of waking silence where no Chopin or Beethoven resonated through the house.

Around the time he was thirteen, his sound changed. He began playing a new tune, one very different from any of the others he had played before. It was flowing and graceful, several harmonies joined together in a vision of beauty and sound. It had no firm melody. It was more like there were hundreds, all intertwined into one, weaving stream of Technicolor light and happiness.

Elizabeth had tentatively joined him in the front room where he was playing. She leaned against the wall beside the door, closing her eyes and tilting her head to the ceiling, allowing herself to wholly absorb the music floating around her. When the sound stopped, after a slowing of the melody which stretched on for several moments, she let herself be known.

"That was beautiful, Edward. Who wrote it?" she inquired.

"I did," he answered cautiously, not wanting to get into a discussion about it. In surprise—he had never even tried to compose anything before—she walked to him and the piano. At about a foot away, she skimmed her eyes across the scored paper in front of him, almost completely covered in black ink, whether they be musical notes or an annotation in his elegant scrawl across the margins.

"'Bella?'" she asked, curiosity beseeching her tone as she noted the name of the piece. For a second, a burst of hope rose within her. _Maybe he's met a girl?_ She knew he was young—well, at least physically—but she welcomed anything that could bring him out of this eternal stupor he was immersed in.

After a few seconds of silence he answered her. "Yes 'Bella'." It means 'beautiful' in Italian."

###

At seventeen, Edward Sr. saw Edward smoke his first cigarette. He knew, as a father, he should go out and reprimand the boy, though something inside himself stopped him. Instead, her chose to look away, to pretend that he had seen nothing out of the ordinary, and turned instead to the brewing coffee pot on the surface to pour his morning drink.

At eighteen, Edward got into Harvard Music College. His parents were thrilled and even Edward managed a small smile.

At twenty-two he graduated early in the spring and returned home for a few months to Chicago, getting a job playing piano at the Green Mill Cocktail Lounge to help fund his impending trip to Italy in the summer. As he got on the plane that would fly him across the Atlantic, he looked over his shoulder and down the steps, across the building and the skyscrapers behind him. Somehow, he knew he was heading in the right direction. Though he had no idea what would meet him in Italy, he felt like it was something important, something fundamental that would change his life from then on.

* * *

It won't be such a long wait until the next chapter. I hope this one revealed some things to you :) Probably opened a load of questions too, but oh well. For those of you who are interested, I just recently on the Best Dry Hump in the Slash Backslash awards which I've been inwardly smug about since the results were released. But, eh, hope you enjoyed this chapter. See you in the NEAR future (hopefully) :D


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